SPORTS ILLUSTRATED recently polled 72 PGA Tour players--about the
number who make the cut in an average week--to gauge their feelings
on issues involving golf and various other matters. Some of the
players declined to answer certain questions (so the percentages
that follow are for respondents only), while others offered, under
the cloak of anonymity, some choice one-liners, the most telling of
which are included.
1 Best nickname?
Lumpy (Tim Herron) 32%
Volcano (Steve Pate) 9%
Zinger (Paul Azinger) 6%
Dresses (Aaron Baddeley) 5%
ALSO RECEIVING VOTES: Boom Boom (Fred Couples), Cupcakes
(Couples), All Day (Glen Day), Big Easy (Ernie Els), The Grip (Ed
Fiori), Chickenhawk (Fred Funk), Mini-volcano (Dudley Hart), Chuck
Parnevik (Charles Howell), Stone Crab (Mike Hulbert), Hollywood
(John Huston), Zucchini (Hank Kuehne), Barnyard (Bernhard Langer),
Frankie the Blade (Frank Lickliter), Scooter (Scott McCarron),
Shark (Greg Norman), The Chief (Dennis Paulson), Boss of the Moss
(Loren Roberts), Walrus (Craig Stadler), Knuckles (David
Sutherland), Brillo (Bob Tway), Big Wiesy (Michelle Wie), Tiger
2 Who has the prettiest swing?
Tiger Woods 24%
Ernie Els 23%
Steve Elkington 20%
ALSO RECEIVING VOTES: Chad Campbell, Fred Couples, Luke Donald,
Steve Flesch, Retief Goosen, Larry Mize, Greg Norman, Vijay Singh,
Grant Waite, Michelle Wie
"Wish it was me."
3 The ugliest?
Jim Furyk 62%
Fredrik Jacobson 13%
ALSO RECEIVING VOTES: Fulton Allem, Paul Azinger, Craig Barlow,
Sergio García, Paul Goydos, Donnie Hammond, Neal Lancaster, Tom
Lehman, Spike McRoy, David Ogrin, Jesper Parnevik, Corey Pavin,
4 If you had a teenage daughter as talented as Michelle Wie,
would you let her play on Tour?
"I'd have her pose in Playboy first."
5 Should women be allowed to play on the PGA Tour?
Only if they qualify 37%
6 Have you ever worn a white belt and white shoes on Tour?
"I was born in the '60s; I didn't play in the '60s."
7 The Dow on Dec. 31, 2004: 13,000, 10,000 or 8,000?
"If it gets to 13, I won't need to play golf anymore."
8 If your life depended on a player holing a bunker shot, whom
would you have hit it?
Paul Azinger 35%
José María Olaàbal 10%
Jim Furyk 7%
Gary Player 7%
Jeff Sluman 6%
ALSO RECEIVING VOTES: Isao Aoki, Seve Ballesteros, K.J. Choi,
Bruce Devlin, Ernie Els, Brad Faxon, Raymond Floyd, David Frost,
Tim Herron, Fredrik Jacobson, Lee Janzen, Phil Mickelson, Corey
Pavin, Phil Rodgers, Chi Chi Rodriguez, Brett Rumford, Vijay Singh,
Bob Tway, Tiger Woods
9 Best player under 25?
Charles Howell 38%
Adam Scott 35%
Sergio García 12%
Michelle Wie 9%
Aaron Baddeley 6%
10 Should there be club testing?
"Yes, but by the manufacturers. No one wants to see USGA guys
grabbing clubs out of bags."
11 Now that there is testing, should it be made mandatory or kept
"Mandatory, but keep the results quiet. It's not fair if a player
should accidentally get illegal clubs from his manufacturer."
12 Which tournament has the best perks?
New Orleans 12%
ALSO RECEIVING VOTES: Byron Nelson, Deutsche Bank, Disney, Doral,
Las Vegas, Phoenix
13 The worst?
B.C. Open 37%
Bob Hope 12%
Pebble Beach 10%
Buick Invitational 8%
Buick Open 8%
ALSO RECEIVING VOTES: Bay Hill, British Open, Canadian Open,
Greensboro, Los Angeles, Texas Open, Tucson, U.S. Open, Western
"Honestly, we get spoiled everywhere."
14 Should Pete Rose be admitted to the Hall of Fame?
"Hall of Fame, yes. Managing, no."
15 Who is the cockiest player on Tour?
Rory Sabbatini 26%
Robert Gamez 10%
Tiger Woods 10%
Phil Mickelson 5%
ALSO RECEIVING VOTES: Robert Allenby, Stephen Ames, Billy Andrade,
Tommy Armour III, Woody Austin, Paul Azinger, Rich Beem, Sergio
García, Mathias Gronberg, Lee Janzen, Jonathan Kaye, Jerry Kelly,
Hank Kuehne, Justin Leonard, Scott McCarron, Jesper Parnevik, Tom
Pernice, Tim Petrovic, John Riegger, Vijay Singh
"Tiger, if you're talking about who backs it up."
16 Who is the most overrated instructor in golf?
Rick Smith 30%
David Leadbetter 29%
Butch Harmon 21%
Dave Pelz 5%
All of them 5%
ALSO RECEIVING VOTES: Peter Kostis, Mac O'Grady, Harvey Penick,
17 Will David Duval win again?
"Not if he stays with David Leadbetter."
18 Will you be invited to Tiger's wedding?
"I'm crashing the mother."
19 Will Tiger win more or less after marriage?
"Same after he's married, less after he has kids."
20 Which TV commentator would you most like to strangle?
Johnny Miller 49%
Curtis Strange 8%
Peter Kostis 6%
All of them 6%
ALSO RECEIVING VOTES: Peter Alliss, Brandel Chamblee, Bobby
Clampett, David Feherty, Brian Hammons, Jim Kelley, Gary Koch, Gary
McCord, Steve Melnyk, Tina Mickelson, Mark Rolfing, Bob Rosburg,
Ken Venturi, Lanny Wadkins
21 Beer or wine?
"I mix 'em."
22 Presidents Cup tie: good or bad?
23 If you were stranded on a desert island, whom would you choose
for company: Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox Arquette or Lisa
Cox Arquette 17%
"Lisa Kudrow. Then I wouldn't be the dumbest one there."
24 Best-looking Tour wife or girlfriend?
Elin Nordegren (Tiger Woods) 29%
Dana (Tom) Byrum 16%
Dawn (Brian) Bateman 8%
Karen (Brandel) Chamblee 8%
Sonya (David) Toms 8%
ALSO RECEIVING VOTES: Jennifer (Fulton) Allem, Jodi (Stephen)
Ames, Kristine (Pat) Bates, Amanda (Jonathan) Byrd, Cyndi (Jim)
Carter, Heather (Ben) Crane, Dory (Brad) Faxon, Angela (Gabriel)
Hjertstedt, Jill (Per-Ulrik) Johansson, Nicole (Hank) Kuehne,
Michelle (Jeff) Maggert, Brenda Nardecchia (Mark Calcavecchia),
Ashley (Hal) Sutton, Marnie (Jay) Williamson
"Whomever Tommy Armour III's dating."
SIX COLOR ILLUSTRATIONS: ILLUSTRATIONS BY SCOTT POLLACK
COLOR PHOTO: SCOTT HALLERAN/GETTY IMAGES (WOODS)
COLOR PHOTO: FRED VUICH (WIE)
COLOR PHOTO: TOM HOWARD/WIREIMAGE.COM (HOWELL)
COLOR PHOTO: AL TIELEMANS (AZINGER)
COLOR PHOTO: WALTER IOOSS JR. (ROSE)
TWO COLOR PHOTOS: DARREN CARROLL (SMITH, SABBATINI)
TWO COLOR PHOTOS: CORBIS (BEER, WINE)
THREE COLOR PHOTOS: LORA VOIGT/ZUMA PRESS
COLOR PHOTO: DAVE MARTIN/AP (DUVAL)
COLOR PHOTO: BIG PICTURES USA