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Original Issue

Mancini's panino...Laettner Lampooned...rosey TV ratings for Pete

By entertainer Paul Anka, an undisclosed percentage of the NHL-expansion Ottawa Senators. Anka, who played hockey while growing up in the Ottawa suburb of Westboro, has scheduled himself to sing the Canadian national anthem at the Senators' inaugural game, in October 1992.

To Nassau (N.Y.) County police, former New York Jet defensive end Mark Gastineau, after allegedly punching a fellow patron, Eugene Galvin, at an Island Park, N.Y., bar. Gastineau, who is training for a career in professional boxing, fractured Galvin's right eye socket and his nose when he mistook him for a member of a group that had been pestering him. Afterward, Gastineau left the waterfront saloon in his speedboat. "Mark Gastineau made a lot of cheap hits in his football career," says Galvin's lawyer, Lawrence Elovich, "but this one is going to cost him a lot more than 15 yards."

As Harvard Lampoon's 1991 Man of the Year, Duke All-America center Christian Laettner. Laettner, who was voted the Final Four MVP after leading the Blue Devils to this year's national title, was the first college sports star to be honored by the nation's oldest humor publication. Recent winners include Bill Cosby, Robin Williams and Princeton grad Brooke Shields. In a This Is Your Life-like presentation of the award, Brian Davis, Laettner's teammate and roommate, revealed Laettner's shocking penchant for leaving dirty underwear about their apartment.

By former New York Yankee and St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Red Hoff (the oldest ex-major leaguer), his 100th birthday. "I think I could still pitch nine innings," says Hoff, who played from 1911 to '14. "Cripes, I might give it a try, considering the salaries they're making now."

By umpire Richard Ings, the replay of a point in a third-round Italian Open tennis match between Mark Koevermans of the Netherlands and Alberto Mancini of Argentina, in Rome, after a fan tossed a crusty dinner roll onto the court. Mancini, who was behind 5-4 in the third set, had just hit a weak return when the bread landed near his feet. Koevermans easily put away Mancini's shot to reach double match point—or so he thought. Although the roll did not appear to interfere with play, Ings called for a let, and Mancini went on to win the point, game and match. Mancini eventually reached the final, where he forfeited to Emilio Sanchez because of a groin pull.

Pete Rose as a substitute sports anchor for WLWT-TV in Cincinnati. Rose, who has been doing a daily baseball commentary for a local radio station while completing his court-mandated community service, was signed to appear on four 11 p.m. newscasts during sweeps week. Although Rose's first performance, on May 17, was described by a Cincinnati Enquirer reviewer as "average," the broadcast carried a 27 share—the highest for any Cincinnati newscast this month.



Anka crons to a new tune.