SI View The Week in TV Sports

SATURDAY 5/16

Preakness

Our impression of baffled Bob Baffert, the trainer who is still
recovering from the shock of seeing Real Quiet (left), the
supposed second-best colt in his stable, win the Kentucky Derby,
as the babbling Ray Babbitt (a.k.a Rain Man): "Not a quick
horse, not a quick horse. Real Quiet not a quick horse. Three
minutes to post time, three minutes to post time. Indian Charlie
faster faster. Indian Charlie faster than Real Quiet. Churchill
Downs Real Quiet eight to one odds, Indian Charlie five to two
odds. Indian Charlie faster. Real Quiet three wins 13 races.
Indian Charlie four wins five races. Pimlico track one and three
sixteenths of a mile equals 6,270 feet. Indian Charlie. Real
Quiet. Three weeks to Belmont, three weeks to Belmont. Triple
Crown Real Quiet."
--ABC, 4:30 PM

Oilers at Stars

The crease is a dead zone. Western Conference top seed Dallas is
in misery. Why? The rabid play of Cujo. Through Sunday, Edmonton
goalie Curtis (Cujo) Joseph had three shutouts in the postseason
and was the main reason this second-round series was tied at a
game apiece. Cujo benefited from a staunch defense that
permitted only 15 shots in the Oilers' 2-0 Game 2 victory last
Saturday. For Dallas it will be up to center Mike Modano
(right), the shining Star who had nine playoff points, to make
the most out of this night's shifts.
--ESPN, 7:30 PM

Braves at Astros

Roaches and disco diva Gloria (I Will Survive) Gaynor are no
more resilient than Houston. In the past 13 months the Astros
have been 1) bombarded, as in a major league-record 100 batters
hit by pitches last season (second baseman Craig Biggio was
plunked a National League-high 34 times); 2) swept by Atlanta in
a Division Series; 3) nearly vacuumed up by the devastating
tornado that spun through their Kissimmee, Fla., spring training
complex; and 4) mowed down by Cubs rookie Kerry Wood in his
record-tying 20-strikeout performance on May 6 (page 48). Yet at
week's end Houston (22-13) was first in the Central Division,
rightfielder Derek Bell was second in the league in batting with
a .374 average, and Biggio (right) topped the big leagues in
stolen bases (15).
--TBS, 8 PM

SUNDAY 5/17

20,000th SportsCenter

Remember when Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" would
parody sportscasters as bombastic loudmouths in even louder
sport coats? That was back back back back back before ESPN
anchors such as Chris Berman, Bob Ley and Dan Patrick--the trio
that will host this anniversary episode--rescued the species
from its primordial soup, turning SportsCenter into a nightly
staple that led to a severe curtailment of such trivial
diversions as reading, flossing and sleeping. Tonight's
90-minute version will feature highlights (and bloopers) from
the first 18 years.
--ESPN, 11 PM

WEDNESDAY 5/20

Juventus vs. Real Madrid

The quadrennial World Cup aside, the annual Champions Cup is the
Super Bowl of soccer. Although Turin-based Juventus and Real
Madrid rank first and second, respectively, in alltime victories
among European clubs, they have never met in a Champions (ne
European) Cup final. Juventus, making its third appearance in as
many years, is led by French midfielder Zinedine Zidane. Last
January, Zidane, an immigrant from Algeria, christened the Stade
de France, site of July's World Cup final, with a goal in
France's 1-0 win over Spain. Real Madrid, winner of the first
five European Cups (1956 to '60), will rely on the leg of
Brazilian striker Roberto Carlos in hopes of ending a 32-year
Cup drought.
--ESPN2, 2:30 PM

ALL TIMES EASTERN. SCHEDULES ARE SUBJECT TO CHANGE.

COLOR PHOTO: JAMIE SQUIRE/ALLSPORT [Kent Desormeaux riding horse Real Quiet in race]

COLOR PHOTO: ROBERT BECK [Mike Modano in game]

COLOR PHOTO: JOHN IACONO [Craig Biggio batting in game]

THE ! ZAPPER

Nebuchadnezzar erected an oasis in the desert and called it the
Hanging Gardens of Babylon; Jerry Colangelo built (for $355
million) an oasis and named it the Bank One Ballpark. In a piece
on HBO's Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel (Tuesday, 10 p.m.),
correspondent Armen Keteyian exposes how Phoenicians who voted 2
to 1 against financing a stadium were Jerrymandered into doing
so anyway. According to the script provided by Real Sports,
Colangelo, principal owner of the Arizona Diamondbacks and the
Phoenix Suns, equivocates under Keteyian's questioning about how
Colangelo would profit personally from the stadium before
muttering an expletive and walking off.