Tips for The Pros Here are some story ideas for a new magazine that caters to the lifestyles of the rich and jockish

At last professional athletes have their own lifestyle magazine.
It's called Pro--Self, Money and True-Crime were already taken--and
circulates exclusively to 25,000 current and newly retired
American sportsmen. The free quarterly's first issue, reports The
New York Times (lest you think we're pulling your groin),
"features helpful articles on everything from investment planning
(three athletes 'show their monetary moves') to buying a luxury
watch ('it's all in the wrist')." In short, Pro is service
journalism for the modern jock, and we eagerly await its next
Table of Contents:

12
Travels in Lapland
Pro's annual ranking of 200 North American lap-dance
establishments

17
Tip Chart
How to calculate 6% of any restaurant check

19
The Best Offense
A good defense attorney will keep you out of the big house. But
will he drive you to the poorhouse?

26
I M GR8
Make your own vanity plates in prison

34
Personal Finance
The new $20 bill burns so beautifully, you'll never again torch
your stogies with a 10-spot

39
You Call This Radicchio?!
Demanding more from your personal chef

43
Third Person
An athlete's story, in his own words

48
Hunting and Fishing
Or vice versa? Which way will you spend the off-season?

54
Slugger, Chief, Big Guy ..
Twenty things to call your son when you can't recall his name

57
He Scores, He Shoots!
Where to procure steroids, how to inject them

63
There's No I in Team
No, really, there isn't. Perhaps it's time you learned how to
spell

73
"Dude, You're Depressing Me"
Sixteen things you should never say when visiting a children's
hospital

77
Cover Story: Up in Smoke
Fun turned fatal when catcher Mackey Packer set fire to his own
flatulence. What went wrong? Could it happen to you? A special
report, by Jon Krakauer

89
Nevada vs. Monaco
Which tax haven has the nicer casinos?

94
Rookie Mistakes
Avoid these common pitfalls when purchasing your first helicopter

99
A Few Good Yes-men
Is your posse being servile enough?

103
Wine & Spirits
Dom or Cristal: Which label will hold up better when you're
bottle-whipping a fellow nightclub patron? Martha Stewart brings
the 'pagne

COLOR ILLUSTRATION: DAN PICASSO