- Publish date:
Analyze This! The all-knowing Carnac again has the questions to sports' most pressing answers--even the one about Anna Kournikova's love life
In this season of Thanksgiving our next guest brings a
Carnacopia of wisdom: He is that mysterious visitor from the
East--seer, sage, soothsayer--Carnac the Magnificent, who will,
in his divine and mystical way, ascertain the answer to your
sports questions without ever having seen them. Ready, O Great
One?
Carnac: I must have absolute silence....
Answer: Bobby soxer
Question: What does Coach Knight do when Grandma gets on his
nerves?
A: Cleveland Browns
Q: What happens if you forget to water Grover Cleveland?
A: Sing Sing
Q: What does Ruben Boumtje Boumtje do in the shower?
A: Andy Pettitte
Q: What did Barney Fife say to Sheriff Taylor while showing him
his Shih Tzu?
A: Redskins-Eagles
Q: Why does the Audubon Society despise Red Auerbach?
A: Francophone
Q: Name two things in the Mets' bullpen.
A: Screwdriver
Q: What's the first item on a NASCAR groupie's to-do list?
A: Analyze
Q: Why does Kournikova say she loves me?
A: Art Howe
Q: What did Tonto say when meeting Garfunkel?
A: Warren Sapp
Q: What comes out when you tap former chief justice Earl Warren?
A: Take five
Q: What does Rick Majerus do when offered an hors d'oeuvre?
A: Lime Rickey
Q: What did the bartender ask Branch Rickey when handing him a
Corona?
A: Karl Marx
Q: What did Karl Mecklenburg leave on running backs?
A: Bambino
Q: What's the sound of Beano Cook exploding?
A: Wade Boggs
Q: What do Irishmen do in the rainy season?
A: Randy Moss
Q: What does a bog-wader find on his randy?
A: 'N Sync
Q: Where does Gene Keady look for his hair?
A: Beatniks
Q: What do Pacers do every spring?
A: UConn Huskies
Q: What do you do if you're a scam artist in Anchorage?
A: Tex-Mex
Q: What do you say when introducing Nolan Ryan to Lee Trevino?
A: Hirsute
Q: What did Heidi Klum forget to wear in the swimsuit issue?
A: Potpies
Q: Name two things that Khalid El-Amin enjoys inhaling.
A: Two minutes for roughing
Q: What did Red Ruffing's wife pencil into her date book every
year on their anniversary?
COLOR ILLUSTRATION: DAN PICASSO
