Publish date:

Illegal Use of Hands

With little or no NFL experience and few days to prepare, the
league's replacement officials may not be ready for prime time,
but as of Monday it looked as if they'd be around for a while.
That's why the commissioner's office issued these
replacement-referee hand signals you'll need to know.

No coin flip. Used silver dollar for bus fare.

Starving. Send down two free hot dogs.

Just got Melissa Stark's home number.

Can you believe the NFL is stupid enough to pay us for this?

Timeout to look up obscure Dennis Miller reference.

Change channel. Sex and the City is over.

Had no idea there would be this many big, mean guys. Want to go

Call 9-1-1. Pacemaker on fritz.

NFL's check cleared. Can finally pay off '77 Gremlin.

Not sure if it was a fumble. Rock-paper-scissors will decide.

Calling bookie to change bet on this game.

Timeout to look through peephole at Eagles cheerleaders.

Ran off with Eagles cheerleader.

Loss of lunch. Had no idea I'd be running this much.

Blew call. Cost Bucs game. Warren Sapp wants to kill me!

Game over. Have to get these clothes back to Foot Locker.