Every Answer But Iverson Carnac is back to prophesy the response to your every sports question - Sports Illustrated Vault | SI.com
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Every Answer But Iverson Carnac is back to prophesy the response to your every sports question

Please welcome, after one year in exile, our mysterious visitor
from the East--seer, sage, soothsayer--Carnac the Magnificent, who
will, in his divine and mystical way, ascertain the answers to
your sports questions without ever having seen them. Ready, O
Great One?

Carnac: I must have absolute silence....

Answer: Daffy Duck.
Question: What did Dizzy Dean tell his brother when they walked
under a ladder?

A: Brushback.
Q: What should you do if a Laker Girl brushes against you?

A: The rough, not the fairway.
Q: How does Marty McSorley fight?

A: Sugar baby.
Q: What does Dick Vitale put in his coffee?

A: Heidi Heidi Heidi Ho.
Q: Describe four consecutive pages of the SI swimsuit issue.

A: Crunch 'n' Munch.
Q: Name the respective ab workouts of Eddie George and Tony
Siragusa.

A: Jerry curls.
Q: What does Jerry Glanville do if you leave him too long on the
radiator?

A: Caesar dressing.
Q: What does one see when looking at a cheerleader through the
peephole in the locker room at Veterans Stadium?

A: Bob and weave.
Q: Name the respective hairstyles of Dorothy Hamill and Marv
Albert.

A: Iron Mike Ditka.
Q: What should you do when Mike Ditka gets wrinkly?

A: Gladiator.
Q: Describe Rich Garces after he accidentally ate a woman who
approached his table for an autograph.

A: Kwame Brown.
Q: What is J. Crew's worst-selling color of roll-neck sweater?

A: Benchmarks.
Q: What does Ryan Leaf have on his butt?

A: Love-15.
Q: What does Steve Garvey do after meeting 20 groupies?

A: Cuban sandwich.
Q: What's the final (and most dreaded) number demanded at
Mavericks dance-team tryouts?

A: Gaelic hurling.
Q: What do you see in Times Square on St. Patrick's Day?

A: High and dry.
Q: Describe J.R. Rider in galoshes.

A: Necktie.
Q: What did Ty Cobb's wife do in the back of their Buick?

A: Blockbuster.
Q: What do other patrons do when Buster Douglas approaches a
buffet?

A: Kellogg's Corn Flakes.
Q: Why won't Clark Kellogg's pedicurist see him anymore?

A: McEnroe.
Q: What does a rapper do in a canoe?

A: Milk Duds.
Q: What did a lonely dairy farmer try to do to Chris Dudley?

A: Brian Griese.
Q: Why no one touch Brian?

COLOR ILLUSTRATION: DAN PICASSO