Tv Talk Schmoozing with Barry at hockey's Melrose Place

ESPN analyst Barry Melrose is one of hockey's most recognizable
figures. We recently caught up to the 45-year-old former Los
Angeles Kings coach and defenseman with three NHL teams to talk
pucks and get some yuks.

SI: If you need someone to take a penalty shot and your choices
are ESPN's John Buccigross and John Saunders, whom would you
choose?

Melrose: Might as well submit to the loss and take away a little
dignity.

SI: Do you miss the glowing puck on Fox?

Melrose: Fox tried to be innovative and I like that, but the
glowing puck was an embarrassment.

SI: If you had to spend eternity with Don Cherry or Dick Vitale,
who would get the nod?

Melrose: Oh, man. I might have to go to the other place.

SI: You had a 79-101-29 career NHL coaching record. What would
Barry Melrose the commentator say about Barry Melrose the coach?

Melrose: That he was fired too early in his career.

SI: Who would win a slugfest between you and analyst Bill
Clement?

Melrose: Me. It would be the quickest fight in the history of
hockey.

SI: Like Bobby Orr, you were an NHL defenseman. Is there anything
else you had in common with him?

Melrose: Nothing. He was fast. I was slow. He could carry the
puck. I couldn't. He was great. I was terrible.

SI: Who's got better hair: Rece Davis, Dan Patrick or you?

Melrose: Dan's hair is for the older crew--he's big with the
45-to-70 crowd. Rece is somewhere in between, so I'll have to say
me.

SI: Have you seen all the Mighty Ducks movies?

Melrose: Unfortunately.

SI: If you laced 'em up right now, could you beat [ESPN analyst
and former NHL goalie] Darren Pang on a breakaway?

Melrose: I could do that without skates.

SI: In 300 NHL games you averaged .03 goals and 2.4 penalty
minutes per match. What does that say?

Melrose: I guess you can tell why I was out there.

SI: You were born in Canada but became a U.S. citizen in 1998.
Did you fare well on the citizenship test?

Melrose: They said I was in the top five percent of anyone who
took the test.

SI: O.K., who was the fourth president of the U.S.?

Melrose: The fourth would be Adams.

SI: Which Adams?

Melrose: Oh, you bastard! How about Samuel Adams?

SI: Gotcha. It's Madison. --R.D.

COLOR PHOTO: RICH ARDEN/ESPN Hockey maven Barry Melrose