You know, I don't need this job. Anytime I want, my frat buddies
can hit a Pick Six for me.
TAX PROBLEMS FOR DUSTY BAKER The former Giants manager owes $1
million as a result of investments made during the early 1980s.
This, of course, was way before he got heavy into Bonds.
There were a lot of red flags for the IRS about Dusty. During his
second season in San Francisco he tried to write off Darryl
Strawberry as a dependent.
Hard to believe Dusty has financial problems. Come on, the guy
spends no money on child care.
In other baseball news Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has
threatened to cut off dental benefits for 150 employees. Not only
that, he's thinking of charging for the cable picked up by the
plate in Don Zimmer's head.
Rockies starter Jason Jennings won the NL Rookie of the Year
award. He'll spend the off-season in the Coors Field humidor.
The Red Sox hired Bill James as a special adviser. Do you really
want a guy who's going to say, "Forget Tom Glavine. You know
who's available for nothing? Rube Waddell."
MICHIGAN BANS BASKETBALL TEAM FROM POSTSEASON Thanks a lot, guys.
My March Madness brackets were due in last week.
As part of its self-inflicted punishment for NCAA violations, the
school will remove four championship banners hanging in Crisler
Arena. And I don't get this: The banners will then be laundered
by former booster Ed Martin.
KNICKS' SELLOUT STREAK ENDS AT 433 It's sad. Spike Lee is now
sitting courtside next to a guy who was the 10th caller.
The last nonsellout at Madison Square Garden was on Feb. 4, 1993.
Which, coincidentally, was also Louis Farrakhan Bobblehead Doll
Between injuries and suspensions, the Lakers bench is really
short. Before the Wizards game they had to suit up three of the
guys who are trying to sign Kobe Bryant to a shoe deal.
THE NHL IS NOW SELLING GAME-WORN JERSEYS Make sure you get an
authentic one. I paid $400 for a Rangers number 11 sweater with
messiest on the back.
The league is running the Sabres. O.K., but that still doesn't
explain Buffalo's new power-play specialist: Vladimir Guerrero.
PAUL TAGLIABUE IS NOT KIDDING AROUND He's going to fine Monday
Night Football $40,000 every time a helmet-to-helmet collision
graphic is shown.
The Steelers are 401 since former XFL MVP Tommy Maddox took over
at quarterback. In a related story He Hate Me was named
Co-Employee of the Month at Outback Steakhouse.
The Lions are offering tours of Ford Field. For $5 you get to see
the locker rooms, the luxury suites and the field. Sadly, the
tour stalls when it gets inside the red zone.
The Steelers and the Falcons played the NFL's first tie since
'97. Here's the shocker: Bud Selig had nothing to do with it.
FORMER NEBRASKA COACH TOM OSBORNE WINS REELECTION WITH 93% OF THE
VOTE Who was his opponent, Kansas?
NEXT MONTH TNT WILL PREMIERE ITS ORIGINAL FILM "SECOND STRING,"
ABOUT BACKUP PLAYERS FOR THE BILLS WHO TRY TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL
AFTER THE STARTERS FALL ILL I prefer the original title, The Fall
and Rise of the Frank Reich.
My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy Sam the Sham and the
COLOR ILLUSTRATION: JEFF WONG (ILLUSTRATION)