The Book on Tiger

Bookstore shelves swell with golf titles this time of
year--biographies, course guides, the latest swing cures and
coffee-table tomes big enough to stop an E-Z-Go cart. Yet more
and more it seems as if all the new books about the game have one
thing in common. Here are a dozen offerings you might see this
holiday season.

CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE CABLINASIAN SOUL by Jack Canfield and Mark
Victor Hansen

Upbeat wisdom from the Chicken Soup kitchen, including "Say it
loud--I'm Caucasian, black, Indian and Thai, and I'm proud!" and
"Yes, it's tough to be a minority, but did you know the average
Cablinasian earns more than $20 million a year?"

HOW TO PLAY ALMOST LIKE TIGER by Ernie Els

The British Open champion shares his semiamazing secrets, from
299-yard drives to pretty darn good iron shots. "It's easy," says
Els. "Without pounding a million range balls or doing a single
sit-up, you can take your game to nearly the highest level."

TIGER WOODS AIN'T SPIT: Remembering and Remembering and
Remembering Ben Hogan by Dan Jenkins

The Texas sage hails the Wee Icemon and dares today's "pixel
pros" to play while chain-smoking, recovering from a near-fatal
car crash and not speaking except to lean down to a dewy-eyed
young fan and say, "Scram."

A GOOD WALK SOILED: Tour Pros Tee It Up with Tiger by John
Feinstein

Author Feinstein goes behind the scenes to study the impression
Tiger Woods makes on other players' psyches, games and even their
wardrobes. With a prologue by Sergio Garcia.

YOU'D THINK THE CHOSEN ONE COULD PICK UP THE PHONE by Earl Woods

The ailing author of Training a Tiger asks such timeless
questions as "Did he call?" and "Is that phone connected?" Larry
King raves, "Sorry, Dostoyevsky--big Earl's got your number!"

GRAND EGGS AND SLAM by Dr. Seuss

In this charming children's tale, cynical columnist Sam-I-Am
rejects the idea that four straight majors over two years counts
as a Grand Slam. "I do not like your Slam," says Sam. "Your
Slam's a sham," says Sam-I-Am. Over breakfast, Sam asks the Cat
in the Red Shirt to take his foot off Sam's throat.

"AND THEN TIGER TOLD FUZZY...." by Don Wade

The latest in a series of umpteen "And Then...." books features
a tip Woods gave Zoeller that proved to be anatomically
impossible.

DOM, PERSPIRATION AND TEES by Rich Beem

The PGA champion tells how he rose from cellphone salesman to
superstar--"from hard knocks to Fort frickin' Knox"--defeated
Tiger Woods and learned about the finer things in life. With
recipes for "Beemer fuel," such as his specialty, caviar
chimichangas.

SPINELESS, CHOKING WEENIES: My View of Today's Pros by Johnny
Miller

America's favorite golf analyst explains how he would throw down
his blazer and dominate today's players (all but one) if he could
make a three-foot putt.

GOLF IN THE KA-CHINGDOM by Michael Murphy

Tiger Woods meets a mystical CEO, Swooshus Blades, who shows him
the way to serenity, diversification and hedge-fund maturity.
"Fall not into the Acushnet, lad," says Swooshus, "for there lie
diminishing returns."

MAN FROM THE SAME STATE AS TIGER by Dennis Paulson

California native Paulson, the 2000 Buick Open champion, tells
how he notched a Dennis Slam in 2001, missing the cut at all four
majors. Both Paulson and Tiger Woods enjoy fishing and suffer
from male pattern baldness. Coincidence? Dennis doesn't think so.

HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF ELDRICK by J.K. Rowling

On a class trip to Scotland, Harry gives up Quidditch for golf.
He dodges headmasters ButchHarm and Ledworse only to find his
member-guest partner bewitched by the sorceress Elin. Harry saves
the day, banishing Elin to Parnevikia, only to hear Eldrick say,
"Dude, you're toast." To be continued....

Golf Plus will next appear in the Dec. 16 issue of SPORTS
ILLUSTRATED.

COLOR ILLUSTRATION: ILLUSTRATION BY GARY HOVLAND

"I do not like your Slam," says cynical columnist Sam-I-Am. "Your
Slam's a sham."