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Original Issue

The Pampered Camper Not-so-rustic pleasures at the Seven Lakes Lodge


Dear Mom and Dad,
Just arrived at camp, and I hate it! Had to fly an hour in a
30-seat prop plane from Denver, and then there was a two-hour
drive from Grand Junction. They call this place Seven Lakes
Lodge, but it should be Middle of Nowhere Hell. Where's the
McDonald's? Where's my Maxim?


Dear Mom and Dad,
I guess camp's not that bad. This morning I went for a walk, and
except for the countless antler chandeliers, this place is phat!
The lodge I'm in smells like maple syrup, and there's a wicked
view of mountains and trees and trails. They've got an exercise
room, tons of books, a fireplace and a big ol' deer head on the
wall. (I've named him Stan, after you, Dad.) Last year at camp we
had arts and crafts classes, and there were 22 of us at a time.
Here, they've got fly-fishing, horseback riding, mountain biking,
nature hikes--and an expert comes along to teach you. And they're
cool dudes, like cowboys, but with cellphones. Oooops--gotta go!
Will write more later.


Dear Mom and Dad,
Holy cow! A few minutes after I wrote my last letter, I went
fly-fishing, and guess what? I caught a 22-inch rainbow trout!
(I've named him Stan, after you, Dad.) Wade Shults, who's been
fishing for more than two decades, taught me how to cast and
recast and fool the fish. I stood in the middle of the river in
my waders, the sun glistening off the water. It was sooooooo
cool. The only bad part was Stan. I felt bad for him, so we took
a picture, let him go (there's a strict catch-and-release policy
here) and packed up our stuff.

Believe it or not, the day got better. As soon as Stan swam off,
another cowboy showed up with horses! For the next two hours we
rode through the mountains, past deer and chipmunks and even wild
turkeys. It was better than Greg Jerzerian's birthday party. On
the downside, the cowboy's horse had a gas issue. (I've named him
Stan, after you, Dad.) Anyway, it's time for dinner. I'll write


Dear Mom and Dad,
Dinner last night made Aunt Ruth's pot roast taste like moldy
carpet. The chef prepared a roasted duck with a wild mushroom
risotto! During dinner I got to meet some of the other campers.
SPORTS ILLUSTRATED is here with their swimsuit crew, so the other
kids in my cabin are hair stylists, makeup artists and a model.
You'd really like Molly, Mom. She's a nice Christian girl who
loves Shirley Temples and long walks on the beach, and she looks
great topless. At night we all sit around our table in the dining
room, talking over the day's events and drinking, uh ... soda.
It's great.


Dear Mom and Dad,
This is my final day at Seven Lakes, and I was wondering if you'd
consider letting me move here. They say with, oh, seven million
more hours in the water, I just might make a pretty bad
fly-fishing guide.

Love, Jeff Pearlman

TWO COLOR PHOTOS: COURTESY OF SEVEN LAKES LODGE AH, WILDERNESS The lodge is a great place to hunt, to fish or to hug Sims, which is all photographer Robert Erdmann wanted to do.

COLOR PHOTO: DIANE SMITH [See caption above]