Sports Beat

He didn't win the anchor spot on ESPN's Dream Job last month, but
that doesn't mean Zach Selwyn doesn't have a future in
broadcasting. Selwyn, 29, is doing color commentary for GSN's
Extreme Dodgeball, in which eight teams of five compete in the
classic playground game. Teams are composed of players from the
same walk of life--there's a team of jockeys, for example,
another of mimes and another of accountants. It was that last
squad, which called itself Certified Public Assassins, whose
dodgy moves impressed Selwyn the most. "It's a game of mobility
and agility but most of all strategy," says Selwyn. "I think the
CPAs had the strategizing down best. They probably printed it out
on spreadsheets before each match." Selwyn says if forced to peg
a Dream Jobber with a dodgeball, he would chose either Tony
Kornheiser for voting him off the show or Al Jaffe for guilting
him into cutting his hair.

--Rebecca Loos, the first of three women to have recently claimed
to have had an affair with David Beckham, showed up at the London
premiere of Kill Bill: Vol. 2. The presence of Loos, Beckham's
former personal assistant who is believed to have made more than
$1.5 million by selling her story to the English press, didn't
sit well with the movie's star, Uma Thurman, who said, "I'm not
sure whether she's trash or tramp. I'd say tramp, though. She
can't get enough p.r." Meanwhile, Real Madrid presidential
candidate Enrique Sobrino said that if the team's shareholders
elect him, Beckham, who recently shaved his head, will likely be
on his way out. "All this stuff about Beckham and parties is
something people here don't like," Sobrino said. "We want our
players to be stars for footballing reasons, and only for
footballing reasons."

--Northern Virginia might not land the Expos, but it does have
dibs on any Martians who want to play baseball--provided they are
12 or younger. Looking for a theme for this year's state Little
League tournament, district officials in suburban Washington,
D.C., petitioned Little League president Stephen Keener to
reconfigure their jurisdiction's boundaries to include the red
planet. Keener okayed the plan--much to the delight of the kids.
Said Drew Nirenberg, a nine-year-old player for the Arlington
Angels, "If there's ever a Little League team on Mars, we'll be
playing them."

--No one can accuse Peter Bogdanovich--recently hired by ESPN to
direct Hustle, the network's docudrama about Pete Rose--of being
a baseball junkie. The man who was nominated for an Oscar for
directing 1971's The Last Picture Show and who plays a small but
amusing role as a psychiatrist on The Sopranos has been to only
two major league games in his 64 years--though one was especially
memorable. "Sandy Koufax was pitching, and I was taken by Cary
Grant and Dyan Cannon," he says. "Cary bought us hot dogs, and it
was a great time." Bogdanovich's lack of baseball experience
shouldn't be a problem, though: Hustle, which begins shooting in
May and will be broadcast on Sept. 25, will be more character
study than sports movie. It focuses on the Reds manager's
precipitous fall into gambling after he retired as a player in
1986. Asked what he wanted out of his yet-to-be-cast Charlie
Hustle, Bogdanovich says, "Someone who understands that Rose was
a street kid. He's still a street kid. He's a tragic figure in
the way Dostoevsky's Gambler was a tragic figure. It's the same
part."

COLOR PHOTO: JAIME OPPENHEIMER-THE WICHITA EAGLE/AP (PICTURE THIS) PICTURE THIS Proud Mary keep on rollin'. Sister Mary Prudentia hit the lanes for the first time in her life on April 18 as part of an annual event sponsored by a Wichita chapter of the Knights of Columbus that treats the Sisters of St. Joseph to a day of bowling, dinner and bingo. "I think she got about a 39," says Sister Julius Marie of her friend. "But she tried really hard."

COLOR PHOTO: BRAD MANGIN (AARDSMA)

COLOR PHOTO: JEAN-PAUL AUSSENARD/WIREIMAGE.COM (THURMAN) Dissed Dave's doll

THIS WEEK'S SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

The Illinois state legislature passed a resolution declaring that
the "Cubs Curse shall be no more."

THEY SAID IT

DAVID AARDSMA
Recently demoted Giants pitcher who ended Hank Aaron's reign atop
the alphabetical list of major league players: "I owe it all to
my parents."