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Original Issue

Welcome tae Troon!

Mah nam is Jimmy Main. Ah hae lived hair aw mah life, yeah. (Aam
noo 40.) Mah gran'faither was caddie master at Royal Troon, an ah
hae caddied oan an' aff since ah was nine. Ah was also a fireman
in toon fur 11 years. Troon itself is very small, yeah, jist tha
one square. Pubs, hairdressers an' charity shaps, an' that's
basically it. It's huir uv a much a churchgoin' toon--oan Sunday
mornings ye canny fin' a place tae park oan Sin Middin's
Streit--but thaur ur six golf coorses, an' thee ay them ur
municipal. If yoo've got an hoor, ah can shaw ye aw ay Troon frae
tha Seacat Tairminal tae tha farthest reach ay tha Auld Coorse,
whaur planes landin' at Prestwich swoop sa law 'at thaur doondraf
can ruin a shot. (Follaw yer caddie's advice an' bide a tick
afair hittin'!) Interested? Turn tha page.


"Welcome to Troon! My name is Jimmy Main. I have lived here all
my life, yeah. (I'm now 40.) My grandfather was caddie master at
Royal Troon, and I've caddied on and off since I was nine. I was
also a fireman in town for 11 years. Troon itself is very small,
yeah, just the one square. Pubs, hairdressers and charity shops,
and that's basically it. It's very much a churchgoing town--on
Sunday mornings you can't find a place to park on St. Meddan's
Street--but there are six golf courses, and three of them are
municipal. If you've got an hour, I can show you all of Troon
from the Seacat Terminal to the farthest reach of the Old Course,
where planes landing at Prestwick swoop so low that their
downdraft can ruin a shot. (Follow your caddie's advice and wait
a moment before hitting!) Interested? Turn the page."

1 Troon Sailing Club

"When it first opened up, one ay tha major partners was Robin
Knox-Johnson, tha guy fa was first tae sail aroond tha warld
single-handed. Mah first-ever job was in thaur in tha chandlery,
sae Robin was mah first boss, an' tha best boss ah ever hud. He's
frae Troon. A loovly guy, yeah."


"When it first opened up, one of the major partners was Robin
Knox-Johnson, the guy who was first to sail around the world
single-handed. My first-ever job was in there in the chandlery,
so Robin was my first boss, and the best boss I ever had. He's
from Troon. A lovely guy, yeah."

2 Lifeboat Station

"Tha lifeboat plays a big part in tha com'unity. They just
recently got a new boat fur £1.2 million, most ay it frae sma
donations ower mony years. Tae be oan tha crew, ye hae tae be
livin' in toon. Ah used tae be oan tha lifeboat. Ah did it fur
abit seven years. Ah left tha lifeboat tae goo tae tha fire


"The lifeboat plays a big part in the community. They just
recently got a new boat for £1.2 million, most of it from small
donations over many years. To be on the crew, you have to be
living in town. I used to be on the lifeboat. I did it for about
seven years. I left the lifeboat to go to the fire brigade."

3 Troon Cemetery

"When mah gran'faither retired as caddie master, he was asked
whit he wanted as a gift. A watch? A clock? He said, 'No, ah jist
want tae keept mah keys tae tha club, 'coz ah was haur sae lang.'
Sae when he died we buried heem haur wi' tha keys tae Royal Troon
in tha breast pawkit ay his soot."


"When my grandfather retired as caddie master, he was asked what
he wanted as a gift. A watch? A clock? He said, 'No, I just want
to keep my keys to the club, because I was here so long.' So when
he died we buried him here with the keys to Royal Troon in the
breast pocket of his suit."

4 MacCallum's Oyster Bar

"It's tha only seafuid restaurant in toon, yeah, an' it has a
guid reputation. People's biggest problem is findin' it. Ye hae
tae ask directions tae it, 'en ye come back tha next day an' say,
'No, still huvnae foond it.'"


"It's the only seafood restaurant in town, yeah, and it has a
good reputation. People's biggest problem is finding it. You have
to ask directions to it, then you come back the next day and say,
'No, still haven't found it.'"

5 Ballast Bank

"If ye waur lookin' 'cross tha water, you'd see tha Turnburry
lighthoose oan tha 9th hole ay tha Ailsa. Frae some parts ay
Royal Troon ye can see 'at lighthoose tay, but, ironically, nae
frae tha 6th hole--which is called Turnburry!"


"If you were looking across the water, you'd see the Turnberry
lighthouse on the 9th hole of the Ailsa. From some parts of Royal
Troon you can see that lighthouse too, but, ironically, not from
the 6th hole--which is called Turnberry!"

6 Caddy Shack

"Used tae be Gibson's. A guy, Eric Anderson, who's got a pub ow'r
in Edinburra, he took ower thes one aboot a year ago. Ah tauld
Eric, 'When ye goo tae St. Andrews it's aw abit gawf, but in
Troon thaur's nae pub wi' a nam that's gawf-related.' An' 'coz ay
'at conversation it became tha Caddy Shack."


"Used to be Gibson's. A guy, Eric Anderson, who's got a pub over
in Edinburgh, he took over this one a year ago. I told Eric,
'When you go to St. Andrews it's all about golf, but in Troon
there's no pub with a name that's golf-related.' And because of
that conversation it became the Caddy Shack."

7 Road to Seacat Terminal

"Dinnae goo tay far oan thes road ur yoo'll need un ay thos
amphibioos cars. Yoo'll need tha thing at Richard Branson crossed
the English Channel in."


"Don't go too far on this road or you'll need one of those
amphibious cars. You'll need the thing that Richard Branson
crossed the English Channel in."

8 Pebbles Night Club

"It's tha only nightclub in Troon. Ye start oan Portlain Streit
at the Caddy Shack, hae a beer ur two, goo oan tae Lonsdale's,
hae a coople mair. 'En ye goo oan tae the Loft, 'en Macintyres an
oan doon Templehill Streit tae Cheeky Charlie's, an' ye finally
gie tae Pebbles aroond midnight. They ur still lined up ootside
thaur at one in tha morn. There's three different areas wi' three
different types ay music fur dancin', includin' 'at s---tha
yoongsters listen tae."


"It's the only nightclub in Troon. You start on Portland Street
at the Caddy Shack, have a beer or two, go on to Lonsdale's, have
a couple more. Then you go on to the Loft, then Macintyres and on
down Templehill Street to Cheeky Charlie's, and you finally get
to Pebbles around midnight. They're still lined up outside there
at one in the morning. There are three different areas with three
different types of music for dancing, including that s---the
youngsters listen to."

9 Macintyres Bar

"Tha best pub in toon. Gordon Macintyre was nahminated fur
Publican ay tha Yair some time back, an' ah think he cam in
foorth. A member ay tha judgin' panel noteiced heem waterin'
these hangin' baskets at midnight. Cam aroond tha next morn at
seven, an' Gordon was back waterin' those sam baskets. 'At kin'
ay sums tha guy up."


"The best pub in town. Gordon Macintyre was nominated for
Publican of the Year sometime back, and I think he came in
fourth. A member of the judging panel noticed him watering these
hanging baskets at midnight. Came around the next morning at
seven, and Gordon was back watering those same baskets. That kind
of sums the guy up."

10 Temple Ink Tattoo Studio

"Ah hae nae tattoos mahself, but most ay tha caddies av tham,
yeah. Toom much drankin' an' smokin' some soobstance an' it's,
'Oh, ah think ah'll hae a tattoo!'"


"I have no tattoos myself, but most of the caddies have them,
yeah. Too much drinking and smoking some substance and it's, 'Oh,
I think I'll have a tattoo!'"

11 Marine Hotel

"Thes hotel is fur someain fa is comin' haur oan a gawf halida'
tae gie 'at foor-star, five-star treatment. But peeple frae Troon
dinnae rilly go in. It's a bit tay--upmarket's tha wrang
ward--stoofy, basically. It depens oan whit yoo're lookin' fur."


"This hotel's for someone who's coming here on a golf holiday to
get that four-star, five-star treatment. But people from Troon
don't really go in. It's a bit too--upmarket's the wrong
word--stuffy, basically. It depends on what you're looking for."

12 Troon Portland Bowling Club

"Ah used tae be a member ay thes club, actually. Aw tha bowlin'
clubs hae greens conveners tae make sure tha greens ur weel kept.
Ye can compaur them tae tha puttin' surface oan a gawf coorse,
but the bowlers arenae lookin' fur somethin' tae be as quick as
'at. Tha bowling green wood be very slaw oan a Stempmet'r. A fife


"I used to be a member of this club, actually. All the bowling
clubs have greens conveners to make sure the greens are well
kept. You can compare them to the putting surface on a golf
course, but the bowlers aren't looking for something to be as
quick as that. The bowling green would be very slow on a
Stimpmeter. A five maybe?"

13 Glasgow Prestwick International Airport

"Tha Auld Coorse goes up against tha sea an' doon near Prestwich
Aira'poort. Afair tha dev'lopmint ay modr'n de-icin' gair it
wisnae uncomm'n fur big loomps ay ice tae faa ontae tha gawf
coorse when transatlantic plens waur landin', thoo naeun was ever
kilt. An' ance thaur was a big st'rm whaur tha sea cam up an'
left tha 5th green covert wi' fesh."


"The Old Course goes up against the sea and down near Prestwick
Airport. Before the development of modern de-icing gear it was
not uncommon for big lumps of ice to fall onto the golf course
when transatlantic planes were landing, though no one was ever
killed. And once there was a big storm where the sea came up and
left the 5th green covered with fish."

14 The Fox, Royal Troon

"Tenk regiments trenned near tha coorse fur tha Noormandy
invashun. One taim a driver last his bairins an' droaf his tenk
ower tha twalfth grin. Mad a coomplit mess ay it. Some loch tae
say 'at Royal Troon, whi' ha' a' eesyer froont nine thin a bach
nine, is loch tha Second Warld War--ye go it in 39 an' come back
in 45."


"Tank regiments trained near the course for the Normandy
invasion. One time a driver lost his bearings and drove his tank
over the 12th green. Made a complete mess of it. Some like to say
that Royal Troon, which has an easier front nine than a back
nine, is like the Second World War--you go out in 39 and come
back in 45."

15 The Railway, Royal Troon

"Tha 11th hole pleyed second-herdest-tae-par oan tha Eur'peen
toor in '97, tha lest time tha Open was haur. When an American
makes a 6 ur a 7 oan thes hole, we say, 'Donnae wurry, Jack
Nicklaus made 10.'"


"The 11th played second-hardest-to-par on the European tour in
'97, the last time the Open was here. When an American makes a 6
or a 7 on this hole, we say, 'Don't worry, Jack Nicklaus made

16 Postage Stamp, Royal Troon

"It's only 123 yards, but it will drife ye mad. Hit it in tha
Coffin Bunker an' ver aft yer only choice is tae play fur
position in tha' bunker--ye canny gie oot. A coople ay years ago
a guy med a hole in one at tha 5th, tha first par-3, 'en got tae
tha Postage Stamp (noomber ate) an med a 12. He main hae bin tha
unhapyiest guy ever tae by a roon ay drinks."


"It's only 123 yards, but it will drive you mad. Hit it in the
Coffin Bunker and very often your only choice is to play for
position in the bunker--you can't get out. A couple of years ago
a guy made a hole in one at the 5th, the first par-3, then got to
the Postage Stamp (number 8) and made a 12. He must have been the
unhappiest guy ever to buy a round of drinks."