The Show

Good to be here. Look, I don't want to tell anyone his business, but if Kobe had a sense of humor, he'd pull into training camp behind the wheel of a white Ford Bronco.

Rare W at Madison Square Garden After closing the RNC, President Bush told Donald Rumsfeld to leave 10,000 delegates in the Garden until the Rangers are capable of self-rule.

Former NFL defensive back Jason Sehorn addressed the convention, but it was not carried on network television. There's a switch. Somebody blowing coverage on him.

Mary Pierce upsets Maria Sharapova at U.S. Open Are you like me? Were you expecting to hear her father cheering from a court-ordered 500 feet away?

Sharapova is coming out with her own signature line of perfume. I have no idea what it smells like, but I guarantee the fragrance will last three rounds longer than the Anna Kournikova perfume.

I'm confused about this new U.S. Open bonus points series. What's Matt Kenseth doing in third place?

Deion Sanders signs with Ravens I knew he was getting serious about returning when he had his tailor sew shoulder pads into all of his suits.

Deion is not a young man anymore. He's thinking of changing his nickname from Prime Time to Early Bird Special.

The Cowboys now have their own cable network. So far, all they have is a pregame show, a postgame show and the Jerry Jones reality series, Trading Faces.

Ichiro bags 56 hits in August, most by a major leaguer in one month in 66 years This hasn't happened since 1938, which, coincidentally, was the last time Edgar Martinez had to buy a glove.

Meanwhile, I think George Steinbrenner may be starting to crack. After the Yankees suffered their worst loss ever, 22-0 to the Indians, he ordered Brian Cashman to spare no expense and make a deal for the scoreboard.

Yankees starter Kevin Brown broke two bones in his left hand when he punched a wall in the clubhouse during a loss to the Orioles. Damn. Why couldn't he have punched a wall en route to the clubhouse, then we could have renamed the passageway the metacarpal tunnel.

Wow, this was quick. The Red Sox voted the wall half a World Series share.

The Astros are back in the wild-card hunt. Phil Garner has shaken things up. He changed the "take" sign from touching his belt to holding up Carlos Beltran's contract.

CBS developing sitcom based on life of Bob Knight Good move. How much better would that video of him choking Neil Reed have been with a laugh track?

Which title do you like better: Everybody Loves Raving; Bleep, Dear; or CSI: Lubbock?

Wait a minute. Just cast Ted Danson in the lead and call it Bicker.

The next step is having a writer fly to Texas Tech and spend time with Knight at work and home. CBS just needs to find the right guy, with the right insurance.

Olympic stars Phelps, Patterson and Gatlin on Wheaties box Gymnast Paul Hamm was not selected, but he could be featured on a new cereal from Kellogg's, Sugar Frosted Asterisks.

Complaint against Charles Barkley dropped The whole thing was a misunderstanding. Turns out an indecent assault charge cannot be filed by a buffet table.

Canadian dollar rises 10 cents against U.S. dollar in last year Do you know what this means? Todd Bertuzzi's high-priced attorney is actually a high-priced attorney.

My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy Raydio.

Bill Scheft once ruptured a vocal cord auditioning for ESPN's Around the Horn.

COLOR ILLUSTRATION

ILLUSTRATION BY JEFF WONG