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Original Issue

The Show

Good to be here. This is my last column until 2005. If anyone needs to reach me, I'll be at the Verne Lundquist Fantasy Camp.

Players agree to tougher steroid testing Not only that, they agreed to let the BALCO grand jury voluntarily leak up to four times a month.

Senator John McCain has threatened to propose federal legislation that would override the MLB collective bargaining agreement. Yeah, that should pass into law right around the time Jason Giambi Jr. hits his 400th dinger--of the season.

Come on. This is a health issue. The side effects of steroid use are well-documented. And speaking of shrunken testicles, when is Bud Selig planning to reprimand Barry Bonds?

Despite everything, last week Bonds signed a seven-figure deal with Topps. And they're changing the gum in the pack of cards to chewable Clomid.

Meanwhile, the Astros accepted Roger Clemens's salary arbitration. Which means he has until Jan. 8 to string them along.

Heisman to Matt Leinart The junior quarterback from USC will face Jason White in the Orange Bowl in the first NCAA match-up of Heisman Trophy winners. Are you like me? Are you worried that there's still time for the BCS to somehow screw this up?

The NCAA is planning to cap the number of postseason bowl games at 28. Twenty-seven, if it looks as if Ball State has a shot.

Peyton Manning tosses NFL-record 13th straight multi-TD game Meanwhile the younger Manning, Eli, was 4 for 18 for 27 yards and two interceptions. Tom Coughlin said his quarterback rating was 911.

Elsewhere, the Seahawks held on to beat the Vikings 27--23. So I guess Mike Holmgren remembered to disconnect the clock with 2:30 left.

Fox has sold 75% of its TV ad inventory for Super Bowl XXXIX. But there's still prime space available on Terry Bradshaw's head.

Three weeks after the Ron Artest incident, the NFL is still testing the feasibility of sideline seats, 12 yards away from the team benches. I believe this answers the question, Is there mandatory drug testing at league headquarters?

Five Pacers criminally charged in Auburn Hills brawl This is serious. Apparently, David Harrison and Anthony Johnson forgot to check in at the scorer's table before going into the stands.

Elsewhere, Tracy McGrady scored 13 points in the final 35 seconds as the Rockets came from 10 down to beat the Spurs. Finally he's adapting to Jeff Van Gundy's deliberate, spread-the-wealth offense.

Everyone is excited about the upcoming Christmas Day game between the Lakers and the Heat. Phil Jackson was supposed to come back as a guest analyst for ABC. Unfortunately he couldn't get his karma out of the shop.

A $2,000 courtside seat for the Christmas Day game is going for $28,250. But I'm sure Karl Malone will give you his for 50 bucks if you promise to heckle Kobe.

NHL and union back to the table Also last week, Brendan Shanahan's informal hockey summit came up with a list of 10 ways to improve the NHL. No. 1: Increase number of actual games from zero.

Jeff Gordon to market his own signature line of upscale wines Well, that should take care of the six NASCAR fans that were on the fence about hating him.

My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy 10cc.

Bill Scheft is the creator of the Gene Keady reality series, Hair Factor.