Wishful Thinking

If you need help finding something for the sports nut on your list, our gift guide has ideas to fit big- and small-market budgets

Know someone who loves bowling but hates other human beings? Consider the personal bowling center: four lanes, two plasma TVs, a karaoke machine--and shoes you can keep forever. Neiman Marcus, $1.45 million

These days it's all about branding. Use the barbecue grilling iron to sear your favorite team logo onto a steak while driving rustlers plumb loco. More than 20 school emblems available. www.fan-brands.com, $14.95

The chance you've been waiting for to provide financial aid to an NBA star. Chapter III, the CD that problematic Pacer Ron Artest produced for Allure, sold only 1,200 copies in its first two weeks. www.truwarierrecords.com, $11.99

Don't judge this book by its cover. Dr. Don Powell wrote Best Sports Cliches Ever! one page at a time, giving 110%. Since we avoid clichés like the plague, we call it a home run. www.bestsportscliches.com, $14.95

Impress your mailman--in case the aluminum siding and power mower didn't do the trick--with the "standard rural size" Dale Earnhardt Jr. mailbox. (Other NASCAR drivers are also available.) www.xtechnologies.info, $75

How often has Uncle Harry said, "My damn keepsakes are scattered about?" You wouldn't have to listen to that kind of talk if you got the man a mahogany keepsake box with NFL logo. www.footballfanatics.com, $34.95

As a veteran gift giver, you've probably gone the talking bottle opener route before. But check out this Red Sox model. Every time you use it, radio announcer Jerry Trupiano makes a home run call. www.footballfanatics.com, $8.95

The pimped-out Cadillac Escalade golf cart, a dream of golfers and pimps for generations, is here today--and loaded with a CD player and TV, with optional leather seats and GPS. www.sportelectricvehicles.com, $16,000

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COURTESY OF NEIMAN MARCUS (BOWLING ALLEY)

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WWW.MYTAILGATE.COM (IRON)

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LIGHTYEAR (CD)

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SPORTS CLICHES PRESS (BOOK)

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TINA HOORN (MAILBOX)

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GREAT AMERICAN PRODUCTS (BOX)

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MEL LEVINE (BOTTLE OPENER)

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SPORTELECTRICVEHICLES.COM (CART)