The Show

Good to be here. What a long day, Sunday: My new TV went through six units of plasma.

Pats' new theme: Live and Let Dynasty The Patriots have been quietly confident for a while. After the game Tom Brady guest-starred on The Simpsons, and his animated character was already wearing three rings.

The Eagles did not go away empty-handed. For finishing second they get to take home the Stanley Cup.

Bill Belichick's day got off to a strange start when he went to the wrong bench after coming out of the tunnel. But to be fair, he thought he saw a Goodwill bin and wanted to get another sweatshirt.

Terrell Owens had a phenomenal game despite having pins in his right ankle. To help his recovery, Owens slept in a hyperbaric chamber he had shipped down. Actually, he didn't want to sleep in the hyperbaric chamber, but he couldn't get a hotel room.

The NFL indecency police went a bit overboard. Who got Flea to change the name of his group to the Red Zone Chili Peppers?

And the halftime show was a little too tame. Were you like me? Were you hoping Paul McCartney would cut loose and sing All My Heterosexual Loving?

This year's commercials were weird. I'm not sure whose ad that Aussie Rules football spot was, but Gladys Knight had more yards after the catch than Freddie Mitchell.

By the way, those ads for careerbuilder.com with all the monkeys running around the office? That was a reenactment of the Vikings' war room on draft day.

And Ford pulled an ad featuring a clergyman being tempted by a new pickup truck. Good move. These days, you don't want clergy and pickup in the same scene.

Coach K faints during game The last thing the Duke coach recalls was someone saying, "Phone call from Mitch Kupchak...."

Rudy Tomjanovich told Kupchak, his boss in L.A., that he was resigning as the Lakers' coach. Tomjanovich cited health issues. Apparently, during his last checkup his doctor found toxic levels of Kobe.

At his final press conference Tomjanovich appeared with a bottle of Diet Coke. Pepsi is a Lakers sponsor, so team officials got another bottle with no label. Whew. For a minute there I thought they didn't have their priorities straight.

Tomjanovich will remain with the Lakers as a consultant. Which means he'll scout the personal ads for Jeanie Buss.

President Bush hosted the Pistons at the White House. In a related story Bernard Kerik was turned down for the job as head of home court security at Auburn Hills.

Bonds gets knee scoped Doctors repaired a tear in his meniscus and also removed the miniature transmitter installed by Victor Conte.

Barry is in for a long rehab. Right now he can only bend the truth 20%.

Nothing on ice Never realized how much I missed hockey until I found myself watching Arena football just to stare at the dashers.

There was some optimism late last week. The CCM factory had begun producing a hard cap with a clear visor.

Yogi Berra's suing TBS over use of his name in salacious ad for Sex in the City Yogi almost filed a second defamation suit, until four people convinced him that Manolo Blahnik wasn't some kid he managed in winter ball.

Max Schmeling passes away at 99 Sad. Now they have to find another opponent for Riddick Bowe's comeback.

My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy Duke and the Drivers.

Bill Scheft is opening a designated driving range next to the 16th hole at the FBR Open.

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ILLUSTRATION BY DREW FRIEDMAN