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Original Issue

The Show

Before we begin, is this true? I heard they let Martha out 10 days early so she could get her brackets in on time.

World Champion Red Sox visit White House Manny Ramirez didn't make the White House trip for two reasons: He had a family emergency, and President Bush wouldn't let him get his two hours of hacks in at the T-ball field.

Massachusetts senator John Kerry was there. He went up to each player, shook his hand and said, "Pleasure to meet you, Yaz."

Jose Canseco was among seven current or former players invited to testify about steroids before a House committee. And in honor of his book, Juiced, one out of every three pages on Capitol Hill will bad-mouth Mark McGwire.

Last Thursday, Major League Baseball's new drug-testing policy went into effect. I miss the old days, when everyone was positive during spring training.

According to a study, 56% of pro football players are considered obese And this isn't surprising: The NFL Network already has a show in development called Fat Access.

Three percent qualify as morbidly obese. The results are misleading, however, because Ted Washington was counted as three players.

The NFL has a list of 1,159 "naughty" words you cannot put on the back of a licensed team jersey. Here's the breakdown: 423 curse words, 284 racially offensive words, 451 sexually explicit words and Sehorn.

The list was made public after a controversy erupted over the word gay being disallowed. It was serious. A Patriots cornerback almost had to legally change his name to Randall Homophobe.

Kobe Bryant and accuser agree on settlement I don't know what the terms were, but it has to be a better deal than Lamar Odom, Caron Butler, Brian Grant and two draft picks for Shaq.

Elsewhere, Usher was introduced as a member of the new Cavaliers ownership group. One condition: He has to change his name to Guest Services Representative.

The Celtics are running an interesting promotion. For the rest of the season every game is Gary Payton Throwback Night.

The Celtics re-signed the point guard, whom they traded to the Hawks a week ago. Isn't that an old Globetrotter trick, where they attach the rubber band to a contract?

Two Boston-based investment companies offer $3.5 billion for NHL Gary Bettman said he'd get back to them immediately, or in 18 months, whichever comes first.

Bettman invited the two companies to present an official proposal. Later the guys admitted they'd just made the offer to see if Jeremy Jacobs's head would explode.

If the deal goes through, the league would become a single-owner entity, similar to MLS or the WNBA. Which raises an interesting question: The MLS and WNBA still exist?

According to Forbes, before the lockout the estimated value of the 30 NHL teams was $4.9 billion. Not Forbes magazine. Mike Forbes.

Meanwhile, Broadcom chairman Henry Samueli and his wife bought the Mighty Ducks from Disney for a reported $75 million. Last year the Ducks were valued at $108 million. But that was when Michael Eisner was still on the power play.

IRL switching to corn-based fuel next season Gentlemen, starch your engines!

Jim Gray gets star on Hollywood Walk of Fame Not to be outdone, Dan Patrick got his hair a three-picture deal with Miramax.

My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy Jim Stafford.

Bill Scheft invented the popular kids game Franchise.