Well, the results of the latest MLB steroid testing are official. Only 1% to 2%. That's also the chance Rafael Palmeiro will show up on Capitol Hill and pass out free samples of Viagra.
Giants get permission to use Barry Bonds at DH for home preseason games Bonds was not one of the major leaguers subpoenaed by the House Government Reform Committee. A congressional committee investigating steroids, and they don't call Barry Bonds? Come on. I haven't seen grandstanding this cheap since the rightfield seats at Jarry Park.
Why can't the House turn its attention to more pressing issues, like saving Medicare for Jack McKeon and Julio Franco?
Any player who does not answer a subpoena is subject to a fine of $1,000. Or 20 signed baseballs.
Bud Selig is claiming he was unaware of possible steroid use until 1998. That was after he watched a sausage race at County Stadium and noticed how cut the bratwurst was.
Washington bags No. 1 seed at Big Dance Did you watch the selection show on CBS? Fascinating. I had no idea Dan Rather had been on the bubble.
This season the NCAA reformulated each team's RPI to add extra weight to road victories. Except if you win a game at RPI.
Chris Webber already being booed in Philly Don't you love a guy who overstays his welcome while he's unpacking?
Webber really seems miserable with the Sixers. The other night, during a game, he called his cellphone carrier and complained about his minutes.
The Magic sent Grant Hill to the Duke University Medical Center for what was called a routine ankle examination. Routine? Come on. His private hospital gurney just had its 5,000-mile tune-up.
The Lakers are in a dogfight for the last playoff spot in the West. And speaking of bad seeds, when's Kobe going to start complaining again?
NFL to play regular-season game outside the U.S. Paul Tagliabue also says the league is seriously considering staging a preseason game in China. And if it works there, they'll go some place really exotic--like L.A.
Randy Moss may take awhile reporting to the Raiders. Mike Tice scalped Moss's plane ticket to Oakland.
The Vikings' coach admitted to scalping 12 Super Bowl tickets. The league is furious. Not because he illegally resold tickets at a huge markup, but because he did it wearing nonlicensed NFL apparel.
National Hockey Group proposes fan-owned-and-operated league in NHL's current markets It'll really be fan-owned. Beer sales won't be cut off until 90 minutes into every stockholders' meeting.
I'm sorry. I really wanted to make fun of this idea, but seriously, can the three guys who sit in front of me at the Garden in nacho-stained Messier jerseys do any worse than Gary Bettman, Bob Goodenow and Glen Sather?
Lance Armstrong recommends Paris to host 2012 Olympics I'm going to guess he got bored with his training and wanted a pack of angry New York City bike messengers chasing him.
The day after his enthusiastic endorsement for Paris, Lance changed his mind and picked New York. Help me out here. Did the Tour de France add a 21st stage--backpedaling?
Fox changes format for Best Damn Sports Show Period Again? Why don't they just rename the show This Tweak with John Salley.
My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy Cameo.
Bill Scheft watched American Idol, hoping Nikko Smith would do a backflip.
ILLUSTRATION BY DREW FRIEDMAN