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Original Issue

The Show

Good to be here. My brackets are all screwed up. I thought 50 Cent versus The Game was considered a play-in.

MLB turns out to be hard at hearings

Tough day for Mark McGwire. The only way it could have gone worse is if he'd seen Congressman Waxman hugging the Maris family.

Did you notice they didn't use a Bible to swear people in? They were probably worried Jose Canseco would open it, take out a pen and ask, "Who should I make this out to?"

I don't understand this. When Canseco was sworn in, he raised his right hand and placed his left on Manny Alexander's glove compartment.

Under oath, Bud Selig told the committee he was not aware of steroid abuse until the late 1990s. Who's he getting his legal advice from, Lil' Kim?

The House committee requested drug records from Major League Baseball for the last 35 years. Selig's office sent two dozen boxes of files marked RED JUICE RECIPES.

The congressmen said they weren't trying to get players to squeal on others. And it was true. I'd have to check the transcript, but I believe the only name named was the Lord.

I felt bad for Sammy Sosa and Rafael Palmeiro. You know they're going to be fined by Peter Angelos for appearing on TV in D.C.

Former Nebraska football coach turned congressman Tom Osborne is a member of the Committee on Government Reform. He did not ask a question. That's funny. I was assuming he'd go for two.

Elsewhere--and I hope this becomes a regular tradition--for the second Saint Patrick's Day in a row, the Reds broke out the green specimen cups.

Texas Tech advances to Sweet 16

Call me sentimental, but it's nice to see Bob Knight this late in the year having a postgame question-and-threat session with the media.

The Syracuse bracket is a bit weak. After North Carolina, the top seed remaining is Faber College.

The opening round had a couple of feel-good stories. Vermont shocked Syracuse with an aggressive defense made up of five former Howard Dean volunteers.

Meanwhile, Bucknell, which upset Kansas, got into the tournament out of the Patriot League after being cleared by John Ashcroft.

Iverson suffers chip fracture of thumb

The Sixers may try radical surgery and replace it with the chip on Chris Webber's shoulder.

Before being fired by the Cavs on Monday, Paul Silas was fined $10,000 for a comment he made about Carlos Boozer. I don't know what he said, but if it was really gratuitous and cruel, he might be able to resell it to Stephen A. Smith.

Forty-year-old Roy Tarpley told The Dallas Morning News that he may be close to being reinstated by the NBA. His dream is to be the first player to receive a lifetime ban in three different decades.

McDonald's using athletes to promote healthier eating

Wayne Gretzky is on board, but only if there's a celery cap.

Take it from a longtime customer of McDonald's: The most effective means of weight loss is 45 minutes of cardio or 90 minutes watching Supersize Me.

Army changes uniform design for the first time in decades. It's already paying off. Sales of the desert fatigues just shot past Kobe Bryant's jersey into the top 50.

European golfer Sophie Sandolo markets calendar with nude photos of herself

How come I think that will make it into the clubhouse at Augusta?

My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy Smith.

Bill Scheft paid Mike Tice $1,500 for sideline seats at the Iditarod.