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Original Issue

The Show

Good to be here. Well, I guess it was only a matter of time. Three of my friends from college have to go to Washington to explain the steroid policy in our Rotisserie League.

Alex Rodriguez rescues eight-year-old boy in Boston

I still don't have all the details. Apparently the kid was about to be hit by a truck or Gary Sheffield.

Chris House, the Red Sox fan who may have taken a swipe at Sheffield during an April 14 game, is not out of the woods yet. He may still get jail time, a fine or season tickets to the Pistons.

House was a former assistant football coach at MIT. He left MIT when the offense switched to the pi formation.

At the Red Sox' home opener the Yankees stood and applauded while the Sox raised the world championship banner. It was all very classy, until A-Rod tried to slap the ring off Bronson Arroyo's finger.

For the first time since 1971 the Dodgers do not have names on the back of their road jerseys. And Derek Lowe is willing to not wear dodgers on the front.

Dodger Stadium has added 1,600 seats behind home plate and down the foul line. Not only that, they also moved the fence in rightfield back 10 feet to create a "time- out" corner for Milton Bradley.

As part of the $20 million renovation the Dodgers are planning to replace every seat in the park. So fans won't be inconvenienced, the work won't begin until the bottom of the sixth.

NFL lowers threshold for testosterone

Testing players for testosterone levels has gotten much tougher. Starting this season, you have to name a dozen show tunes in under a minute.

The league is now prohibiting the sale of customized Michael Vick jerseys with his pseudonym, ron mexico, on the back. That's odd. I thought you could buy a Mexico jersey if your Visa was in order.

NBA heads for postseason

I hope I'm not too late with a playoffs slogan for TNT: "40 games in 40 nights in 16 medium-size markets."

Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor called the acquisitions of Latrell Sprewell and Sam Cassell a "failed experiment." The two Minnesota players are making $20 million this season. Quick, somebody revive Carl Pohlad!

The NBA may be near a deal forbidding players to enter the draft until their 20th birthday. Or until four years after they're allowed to have their mom buy them a Hummer.

Pacers forward Jermaine O'Neal raised the issue of race being behind the proposed NBA age limit. And David Stern quickly replied, "Yo, yo, yo. You got me wrong, dog."

NASCAR signs five-year, $107 million deal with Sirius satellite radio

I wonder if they'll do cross-promotion with the Howard Stern satellite show and have women go on the air and take their restrictor plates off.

NASCAR recently hired the former deputy campaign manager of Kerry-Edwards '04 to manage its national media outreach efforts. Well, of course. Because, when you think of handling the media, you think Kerry-Edwards.

Dodgers' 1955 world champions banner gets $16,000 restoration

There's only one thing baseball fans in Brooklyn would prefer to see hanging: Walter O'Malley.

Philadelphia Eagles to launch kids' animated TV series

The show will be based on the team. What does that mean? The characters become less animated with 5:40 to go?

My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy LTD.

Bill Scheft couldn't get his accountant to write off the Knicks season as entertainment.