THE BEST JOKES WE CAN TELL IN SPORTS ILLUSTRATED ...

[Oakland Athletics]

"What do a tornado in Oklahoma and a divorce in West Virginia have in common? Either way, somebody is losing a trailer."

--Outfielder Nick Swisher, who lives in Parkersburg, W.Va.

"A guy walks out his front door, looks down and sees a snail on his step. He picks it up and throws it as far as he can. Two years later the guy walks out his front door, looks down and sees a snail. The snail looks up at him and says, 'What the hell did you do that for?'"

--Outfielder Mark Kotsay

COLOR PHOTO

COLOR PHOTO

NICK LAHAM/GETTY IMAGES (SWISHER)

COLOR PHOTO

BRAD MANGIN/MLB PHOTOS/GETTY IMAGES (KOTSAY)