I've got to finish up quickly. Tom DeLay is holding a tee time for me at Royal Troon.
Bud Selig proposes "three strikes and you're out" policy for steroids Naturally Donald Fehr wants him to change the phrase to "three work stoppages."
Selig is serious. First offense, 50-game ban. Second offense, 100-game ban. Third offense, you get jumped by the Cansecos.
A former business partner of Lenny Dykstra recently claimed he was involved with betting on baseball and used steroids during his career. Uh-oh. Suddenly, his confirmation for ambassador to the U.N. isn't such a lock.
The pool at Arizona's Bank One Ballpark was renovated for $150,000. And you thought there were no benefits to getting rid of Randy Johnson.
NFL in da House!! You call those steroid hearings? Six hours--not one deliberately exaggerated Spanish accent.
The hearings were pretty nondescript, although Paul Tagliabue had to cut his testimony short after dislocating his shoulder patting himself on the back.
The league is tripling the number of off-season steroid tests. It sounds tough, but players can now challenge up to two positive results with instant replay.
The NFL is always on the cutting edge of antidrug technology. Next year at the scouting combine, they'll be able to measure the vertical leap of your testosterone.
Since 1989, 111 players have tested positive for steroids--54 served their suspension, 57 opted for retirement and 13 turned over their stash to Bill Romanowski.
The Patriots reacquired Doug Flutie, a native of Natick, Mass. He said the No. 1 reason he signed with the Pats was "being able to wake up in my own bed." And I'm sure Tom Brady thought, Hey, maybe I'll try that some time.
Terrell Owens sat out minicamp because he wants the Eagles to renegotiate the $49 million contract he signed a year ago. Maybe I'm jaded, but how unhappy can TO be in Philly if he hasn't made a gratuitous inference about Donovan McNabb's sexuality?
NBA postseason now in second month Help me out here. Is the Phil Jackson courtship best-of-three teams or best-of-five?
New York, Cleveland, L.A. ... the man may end up with more travel days than Nuggets vs. Spurs.
I won't believe the Lakers are serious about Phil until 20/20 does an exposé on him and Paula Abdul.
Elsewhere, during Game 2 of the Detroit-Philly series, Chris Webber pointed out a Pistons fan who hit Allen Iverson with a quarter. That's the best these two have worked together since the trade.
Six members of the current Wizards team played with Michael Jordan. And five still owe him money.
BCS announces new playoff format Exciting. The top two BCS teams will meet for the national title in the new Glendale, Ariz., stadium on Jan. 8, 2007. And the following Sunday the winner will move on to face the Cardinals.
Notre Dame's qualification standards for a BCS bowl have been altered. The Irish now need to be in the top eight for an automatic berth, and their guaranteed money has been cut by two thirds. Man, this new pope is tough.
NASCAR driver Jeff Burton appears on WB series One Tree Hill Which answers the question: What comes after fine and suspension in the Nextel Cup series?
Todd Bertuzzi meets with Gary Bettman in hopes of being reinstated Yeah, he's eager to get back to officially doing nothing.
My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy the Sonics.
Bill Scheft is awaiting word from MTV on his Yao Ming hidden-camera show, Dunk'd.
ILLUSTRATION BY DREW FREIDMAN