Before we begin could someone, anyone, get an endorsement contract for Under Armour over to Saddam Hussein?
Interleague play grips nation, sort of New twist to the Dodgers-Angels series. This year, the loser had to take legal custody of the name Anaheim.
According to a recent survey of New Yorkers, 51% said they would root for the Yankees in a subway series, 35% said the Mets. That's 86%. Which means the other 14% answered, "What are you, a cop?"
Fox debuted its 2005 MLB schedule with Yankees-Mets. Unfortunately it will be six weeks until the network is ready to unveil its new feature, SpecimenCam.
Congress is pushing toward government regulation of testing for performance-enhancement drugs. How come I think this will go away if somebody comes up with a faith-based steroid?
I know Bud Selig wants to appear tough on this issue, but did he need to show up on Capitol Hill last week carrying a light saber?
Elsewhere the Cubs' medical staff has come up with a radical way to treat Kerry Wood's injured shoulder: three weeks of rehab, followed by a televised sit-down intervention with Dr. Phil.
Preak performance by Afleet Alex The courageous favorite won easily despite stumbling and going to his knees. Scary. Jeremy Rose almost activated his air bag.
On the bright side it was nice to have an incident in the stretch that didn't result in a lawsuit from Jose Santos.
The race started 16 minutes late. The stewards had trouble loading all of Nick Zito's excuses.
NBA down to Final Four Teams, weeks or viewers?
TV ratings for the playoffs are way down. Jeff Van Gundy claims more people were watching Yao Ming's screens.
Is it me, or are the playoffs that much more exciting when you know the winner will get to keep the trophy for two years?
Looks like the NBA is headed for a lockout. It won't be official until David Stern starts combing his hair like Gary Bettman's.
NBA players chief Billy Hunter implied that racism was behind the current labor impasse. He was reprimanded, then signed by the Long Island Ducks as a setup man.
The NBA on TNT studio set is being auctioned off on eBay. You get the anchor desk, plus any candy Charles Barkley left in the drawer. So, no candy.
Nick Saban says he and Ricky Williams have been talking by phone Since he last played in the NFL, Ricky's lost 40 pounds. Or 640 ounces.
In a recent interview Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas said, "I would lo-o-ove to be NFL commissioner." Look, if you want the Janet Jackson Super Bowl tape, just ask.
Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist to serve as honorary starter for Nextel Cup Coca-Cola 600 How can he stand it? Three and a half hours watching 40 Southern white guys going to the left?
NASCAR is always working to improve its image. They're thinking of adding an alcohol-free seat.
Charlie Muse, creator of the batting helmet, dies at 87 Jim Thome, Trot Nixon and Craig Biggio are thinking of showing up at the grave site next week and putting pine tar on his headstone.
Daunte Culpepper appears on season finale of George Lopez Exciting plot twist. While George's back is turned, Daunte tries to hide Onterrio Smith's "Whizzinator" in the lettuce crisper.
My time is up. You've been great. Enjoy the Rising Storm.
Bill Scheft's collection of columns, THE BEST OF THE SHOW, is now in stores. It is also available at www.allthingslizaminelli.com.
ILLUSTRATION B DREW FRIEDMAN