ON OCT. 20, running back Clinton Portis showed up at the Redskins' weekly media session wearing a huge gray wig and rectangular, sci-fi glasses. The reason? He hadn't scored a TD in the first six games of the season, and he said he thought the eyewear might help him read the playbook better so he could find a way to the end zone. Three days later he ran for 101 yards and three scores against the 49ers. Since then, Portis hasn't quite been himself when meeting the press.
OCT. 27 IDENTITY Jerome from Southeast D.C.
ACCOUTREMENTS Black cape, Lone Ranger mask, yellow sunglasses, black wig, gold teeth
THE WORD Who was that masked man? "You've heard of Vampire from Brooklyn? Well, I'm Jerome from Southeast D.C. Going to the big city and night lights [sic] this week up there in New York City, I heard, so I've got to be prepared. I don't know what I'm going to see."
RESULT four carries, nine yards in loss to Giants
NOV. 3 IDENTITY Dr. I Don't Know
ACCOUTREMENTS Fuschia wig, pink shades, long mustache
THE WORD The Doc brought bad news: "Southeast Jerome died late Sunday night. He won't be with us anymore. Complications from a panic attack.... He had amazing upside.... He's going to be missed." Beyond that, the Doctor, not surprisingly, didn't know much.
RESULT 21 carries, 67 yards, one TD in win over Philadelphia
NOV. 10 IDENTITY Sheriff Gonna Getcha
ACCOUTREMENTS Black wig, Led Zeppelin T-shirt, sheriff's badge
THE WORD At last, a lead in the mystery of Jerome's demise. The Sheriff noted that Tiki Barber of the Giants had a motive to bump off Jerome: They're competing for the NFL rushing title. With a game three days hence against Barber's brother, Ronde, the Sheriff vowed to get to the bottom of it. "Anybody who knows anything, I'm going to get you."
RESULT 23 carries, 144 yards, one TD in loss to Tampa Bay
NOV. 17 IDENTITY Dollah Bill
ACCOUTREMENTS Purple wig, sunglasses that spell COOL, dollar-sign chain, neon-green jacket opened to expose a shock of fake chest hair
THE WORD Bill had money on his mind, primarily the 20 grand Portis was fined for, among other things, wearing black socks in a game. He also had a few words for pal Warren Sapp of Oakland, the week's opponent: "Me and Warren Sapp were moneymaking friends.... But today we're not friends.... If you don't mind telling him that those 12 tickets he called me about? I can't get them for him. So, Dollah Bill is serious."
RESULT 22 carries, 92 yards, two fumbles in loss to Raiders
SIMON BRUTY (PORTIS RUNNING)