Buzzer-Beatin' Gifts

Need sensible last-minute suggestions for that sports fan on your list? Good luck. What follows is something else entirely

•If you don't know someone who'd love to shrink his friends so he can beat them in soccer, skip to the next item. Otherwise, check it out: this company will make tiny versions of people based on photographs you send them, and turn the whole thing into a foosball table. www.elevenforty.com, $45,000

•Imagine Dad relaxing in what might for all we know be rich, Corinthian leather and passing hours and who knows what else into a recliner festooned with major league logos. The last chair you'll ever buy--if your family has any say in the matter. www.dreamseat.com, $1,295

•The eternal question: What to Get for the Man Who Has Some Inexplicable Grudge Against People from Oakland and Minnesota? The answer: this scary Randy Moss mask. www.mossmask.com, $49.95

•Christmas is about tradition--and to an admittedly lesser degree, meat. Why not give beef that could have been around since Herod was tetrarch of Galilee? We're talking Big Ben's Beef Jerky, Ben Roethlisberger's preferred meat snack. www.plbsports.com, $8.99

•If you've got a nautical disaster buff in the family, you're probably all too familiar with the high price of Titanic memorabilia. But thanks to the Minnesota Vikings, you can now get ill-fated-cruise-wear at reasonable prices. www.ebay.com, $12.95

•Good news for Alex Rodriguez's Secret Santa: Yankees-themed poker chips. www.upperdeckstore.com, $129.99

•While the sports world is still buzzing over Danica Patrick, Little Johnny can have the thrill of being virtually ignored in his Dan Wheldon IndyCar Series Simulator, a replica of the Indianapolis 500 champ's car. Comes with lifetime guarantee Johnny will never be as famous as she is. Neiman Marcus, $75,000

•That swinging bachelor on your list can tell chicks "I used to play for the Cardinals" and mean it, sort of, when he owns the actual Busch Stadium organ. www.ebay.com, $12,500

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WWW.ELEVENFORTY.COM (FOOSBALL)

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WWW.DREAMSEAT.COM (RECLINER)

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WWW.ULTIMATEPROS.COM (MOSS)

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WWW.PLBSPORTS.COM (BEEF JERKY)

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WWW.EBAY.COM (T-SHIRT)

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WWW.UPPERDECK.COM (POKER CHIPS)

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NEIMAN MARCUS (INDY CAR)

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WWW.EBAY.COM (ORGAN)