Prime-time Players

ICHIRO RECENTLY portrayed himself on the popular Japanese detective show Furuhata Ninzaburo--as a cold-blooded murderer (right). Yikes. Doesn't he know that athletes have traditionally played jollier, more wholesome versions of themselves on television shows? Here are some classic cameos Ichiro could have learned from.

1954 I Love Lucy
Tired of being "golf widows," Lucy and Ethel decide to take up the game with the help of three-time Masters champ Jimmy Demaret.

1970 The Brady Bunch
Kind words from Dodgers ace Don Drysdale have pitcher Greg convinced that he should bail on school and play in the majors.

1973 The Odd Couple
Oscar loses the apartment in a Ping-Pong game to Bobby Riggs (who defeats him using a shoe). Billie Jean King wins it back.

1978 Fantasy Island
Aided by Tom Lasorda, guest star Gary Burghoff (for once not the shortest guy) pitches to big leaguers, including Steve Garvey.

1979 Diff'rent Strokes
What you talkin' 'bout, Champ? Willis and Kimberly concoct a scheme to bring Arnold face-to-face with his hero, Muhammad Ali.

1982 Archie Bunker's Place
Archie winds up in court after making (what else?) a racially insensitive comment about Reggie Jackson in an interview.

1986 Who's the Boss?
A friendly softball competition between old pals Tony and Steve Sax gets serious when both recruit Angela. Bob Uecker keeps things light.

1986 ALF
Being reminded that his wife used to date Joe Namath inspires ALF's pal Willie to add some spice to his life by taking up skydiving.

1991 Cheers
Celtics star Kevin McHale is driven to distraction by an inane bar conversation about how many bolts are in the Boston Garden's parquet floor.

1992 Seinfeld
Newman was no fan, but why would Elaine and Jerry develop a crush on the same mustachioed former Met? Well, he's Keith Hernandez.

1994 Beverly Hills, 90210
Steve and his overbearing father take on Barry Bonds and his dad in a golf game--and Steve's dad cheats, using juiced balls.

2001 Curb Your Enthusiasm
Larry trips Shaquille O'Neal, leading to a visit to the hospital and a debate over whether or not peanut butter is a dairy product.

THIRTEEN PHOTOS

JAPANESEBASEBALLDAILY.COM/FUJI TV (ICHIRO); CBS/LANDOV (I LOVE LUCY); ABC PHOTO ARCHIVES (THE BRADY BUNCH); ABC/PHOTOFEST (THE ODD COUPLE); ABC PHOTO ARCHIVES (FANTASY ISLAND); COLUMBIA TRISTAR/EVERETT COLLECTION (DIFF'RENT STROKES); EVERETT COLLECTION (ARCHIE BUNKER'S PLACE); ABC/PHOTOFEST (WHO'S THE BOSS); WARNER BROS./EVERETT COLLECTION (ALF); PARAMOUNT TELEVISION/EVERETT COLLECTION (CHEERS); CASTLE ROCK ENTERTAINMENT/EVERETT COLLECTION (SEINFELD); EVERETT COLLECTION (BEVERLY HILLS, 90210); HBO/EVERETT COLLECTION (CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM);