The Beat

BESIDES PUTTING the world of knowledge at our fingertips, the Internet is unsurpassed at passing off pictures of one attractive blonde woman as shots of another. Sometimes hilarity ensues, but not always. Last week Elin Nordegren, better known to some as Mrs. Tiger Woods, filed a libel suit against The Dubliner, an Irish magazine that in September published fake nude photos of her and an article claiming she had appeared on Internet porn sites. The magazine said the story, which ran during the Ryder Cup and insulted other players' wives, was a satire and apologized, saying it felt "readers would not be left thinking that there was any truth in the assertions." That wasn't good enough for Nordegren (below), who seeks unspecified damages. "My wife has been a model, and she did do some bikini photos," Woods said at the Ryder Cup. "But to link her to porn websites is unacceptable."

• Good news for those who, when faced with life's tough decisions, wonder, What would Ron Artest do? Beginning in January the Kings forward will write an advice column for the hoops magazine Dime. According to the Dime website, which is soliciting questions from fans, Artest will address topics such as "basketball, politics, music, movies, relationships, women, current events...the sky's the limit." But probably no one will ask for advice on breaking into the music biz: Artest's debut rap album, My World, has sold poorly since its release last month.

• It's not exactly Dancing with the Stars, but former Winston Cup champ Darrell Waltrip will join the Nashville Ballet for its Dec. 15 performance of The Nutcracker. Waltrip will play Mother Ginger, a fairy godmother--like character who wears an enormous hoop skirt from which children emerge. (If only Dale Earnhardt were around to see this.) Waltrip isn't the first sports star to play Mother Ginger: In 1999 Lance Armstrong danced the part for his hometown company, the Ballet Austin.

• Death can be a good career move...unless you're a punk band named after a dearly departed Michigan coach. When former Wolverines coach Bo Schembechler died last month (SI, Nov. 27), the Dead Schembechlers—four Ohio State fans who have been performing "Wolverine hatecore" anthems since 1990—announced they're changing their name. The group, which belts out such anti-Michigan favorites as Bomb Ann Arbor Now and Buckeye Bop while dressed like former Ohio State coach Woody Hayes, hopes to figure out a new name by the time Ohio State plays for the BCS title on Jan. 8.

SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Two Boise skating-rink employees were fired for making a late-night run to a Burger King drive-through in the rink's Zambonis.

PICTURE THIS

The Jaguars spare no expense at their facility—they even have a real set of chains to measure their pilgrims' progress during practices. For Jacksonville's workout on Thanksgiving the team's ball boys and chain gang sported holiday-themed costumes. But three days later it was the players who looked like turkeys: The Jaguars lost to the Bills when Rian Lindell hit a game-winning field goal as the clock ran out.

They Said It

BOBBY BOWDEN, Florida State coach, on how Internet chatter about the team's poor play led to the resignation of his son Jeff as the Seminoles' offensive coordinator:

"You listen to eBay and e-mail and all that junk, and you all kept writing about it, and that fans it and makes it grow."

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BILL FRAKES (PICTURE THIS)

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JON BUCKLE/PA EMPICS/ABACAUSA.COM (NORDEGREN)

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JIMMY DEFLIPPO/US PRESSWIRE (BOWDEN)