Hafner, training in Winter Haven, Fla., is, at 30, entering his seventh major league season.
Dan Patrick: When is the last time you thought about losing that 3--1 series lead to the Red Sox in the ALCS?
Travis Hafner: You think about it here and there, but the best thing to do is try to move on.
DP: What would make you think about it?
TH: You could see a TV commercial showing the Red Sox winning it.
DP: Strangest thing you've done as a DH between at bats.
TH: Probably check a fantasy football score online.
DP: Are you any good at fantasy football?
TH: Yeah, I've won our team league the last three years. My team name is Pronktably Unbeatable.
DP: How much privacy do you get when you take a drug test?
TH: None. The tester is there.
DP: How much conversation do you have with him?
TH: [Laughs.] I just try to get it done as quick as possible.
DP: So when you're having dinner with your wife, does she ever say, "How did the urine test go today?"
TH: [Laughs.] No, I don't think I'd want to have that conversation.
DP: You were the valedictorian of your high school....
TH: I just like to say I finished in the top 10 of my class. We had only eight people.
DP: If I went to your hometown of Sykeston, North Dakota, how long would it take for me to get into some trouble?
TH: I don't know if you can get into trouble, because we don't have a cop in the town.
DP: Could you buy your hometown? For $10 million, could you own Sykeston?
TH: Maybe I'm wrong, but I would guess you could do it for a million. It's not very big. I'd say it's less than a mile wide.
DP: Do you know who's on Mount Rushmore?
TH: Washington, Roosevelt ... is Lincoln?
DP: Abe is up there.
DP: Yes. Look at you, valedictorian.
TH: I just saw National Treasure 2, so that helped me.
THE FINE PRINT: Wladimir Klitschko won an easy decision over Sultan Ibragimov to unify the heavyweight title. Yeah, it was the unification of boredom and tedium.
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JOHN BIEVER (HAFNER)
ILLUSTRATION BY KEITH WITMER