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Just My Type

The Interview
Ricky Williams
DOLPHINS RB

Williams, 30, was reinstated by the NFL last November after an 18-month drug suspension.

Dan Patrick: When is the last time you talked to Bill Parcells?

Ricky Williams: In the training room, last week.

DP: Do you know where you stand in Miami's plans?

RW: It's interesting. In a team meeting he was going through what he is looking for, and he says, "I don't want any punks. I don't want any troublemakers." And I am sitting there thinking, "Oops, so I guess I am not going to be here." A couple hours later I come into his office, and he told me that he wanted me and he really believed in me.

DP: What situation gets you feeling, "This is when I normally used to get high"?

RW: Usually it's a matter of curiosity. I like to explore hidden depths in things, whether it's a conversation or a book. That's where I feel tempted to smoke, because it helps me go deeper into things.

DP: So if you were reading The Hobbit....

RW: No, it's usually more philosophy or scripture. I don't usually mess with fiction.

DP: But you would get high reading the Bible?

RW: Yes. Yes.

DP: Is there a part of you that thinks too much?

RW: Definitely, yeah. Whatever our strengths are, we usually lean on them too much.

DP: Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if you were a baseball player?

RW: I think I would have been miserable. Because you have to play every day for 162 days. I wouldn't have had a lot of time to travel and to do the things that I enjoy doing in my off time.

DP: What travel destinations do you want to get to?

RW: Certain places on the earth that are supposed to be very strong energetically, like Machu Picchu, the Pyramids in Egypt. I definitely want to go visit Africa.

DP: Maybe you'll visit the end zone again.

RW: That would be nice.

THE FINE PRINT: I don't know if you've noticed this during NASCAR telecasts, but they have no restrictor plate on clichés.

Go to DANPATRICK.COM for more from Ricky Williams and other recent interviews, and hear live audio of Dan's radio show, 9 a.m. to noon ET, Mon.-Fri.

Caption You'll Never See
TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS COACH Jon Gruden caddied for John Daly last week at the PODS Championship golf tournament. After the 15th hole Gruden dropped the bag and quit, then lit a cigarette and cracked a beer.

The DP March Madness Etiquette Guide

1 ONE SET OF BRACKETS ONLY—PLEASE
Or you forfeit bragging rights. No one is impressed that you had George Mason on sheet number 17.

2 NO RESULTING
When a 14 seed knocks off a 3, don't tell people, "I knew it," unless you actually had it in your brackets. Unplayed hunches are about as interesting as dream stories.

3 TV-SIZE RULE
Your screen inches must be at least four times the number of people you invite over (i.e., 8 guests = 32-inch minimum).

4 THE FIVE-MILE MINIMUM
If you're calling in sick and going to watch the afternoon games at a sports bar, make sure it's at least five miles from the office. If you violate this rule, you deserve to get fired.

5 NEVER REFER TO YOURSELF AS A BRACKETOLOGIST
This isn't something to be proud of.

Error of the Week

BASEBALL HALL of Fame officials are saying that in a few weeks they will receive for display the Barry Bonds 756th home run ball, which fashion designer Mark Ecko put an asterisk on. I don't like this. The Hall's job is to present baseball history. The asterisk is Ecko's edit on history. The Hall shouldn't be ceding creative control to Ecko, especially when he got that control only because he's rich enough to buy the ball. Now wealthy people can pay to have their opinions enshrined? Bad precedent.

PHOTO

CHRIS O'MEARA/AP (DALY AND GRUDEN)

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JONATHAN ERNST/REUTERS (GEORGE MASON)

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BRAD MANGIN (BONDS)

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JASON BRIDGE/US PRESSWIRE (WILLIAMS)

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JOHN E. SOKOLOWSKI/US PRESSWIRE (WILLIAMS)

ILLUSTRATION

ILLUSTRATION BY KEITH WITMER