Just My Type

Author:
Dan Patrick

The Interview
George Clooney
MOVIE STAR

Clooney is thestar and director of Leatherheads, which is currently in theaters.

DP: I was lookingat your bio on imdb.com. It says, "Failed to join the CincinnatiReds."

GC: Yeah, thatwasn't quite the way it worked. "Failed to get past the first cut," Ibelieve, would be the better phrase. "Lacked skill" might have been theterm. [The tryout] was a minor league pitcher throwing moderate speedcurveballs, and I'm stepping in the bucket. It was just a nightmare.

DP: I was in theLongest Yard remake. What do you think of my acting skills? You can be brutallyhonest. I'll be brutally honest with your football skills.

GC: I really,really think it's fantastic that you have another job.

DP: That's fairenough.

GC: Go ahead andfire away on my football skills.

DP: You sort ofplayed like a sissy boy in Leatherheads. You'd be the kind of guy I'd want topound in the open field.

GC: That'sexactly right.

DP: Is it harderto do a sports movie, where you've got everybody critiquing you?

GC: I rememberwatching White Men Can't Jump. If you see somebody who can't shoot or can'tdribble, you always go, "Oh, you've got to be kidding."

DP: I think youcould take Woody Harrelson, right?

GC: You know,Woody's one of the best of the.... Actually, Jim Caviezel played collegebasketball.

DP: Well, heplayed Christ, too. He should be good.

GC: I did kick[Leatherheads co-star John] Krasinski's ass, though.

DP: How big isJohn?

GC: Six-three. Helooks huge. He's big and lanky, and he started talking a lot of crap with meearly on. He's 27. He goes, "I'll play you for $1,000, and I'll spot yousix points." And I said, "Listen. You're not going to beat me if youspot me six points. I'll play you straight up for another grand." So wewaited for four months, just talking crap to each other. And on the last day wewent to the YMCA, and we played for 2,000 bucks. And I beat him to death. Thatmade my day.

The Right Man forthe Job

THE COLLEGE hoopscoaching carousel is in full swing, which means we'll hear how every newlyhired coach is the perfect guy for the job. Just once it'd be nice to hear aG.M. or school president say, "You know, he's not great, but he's the bestwe could get." Instead we get these blusterings. Match the quote with thename of the newly hired coach it was said about.

1. "He's aperson of integrity. I saw nothing in his record that would give me anythingbut confidence."

2. "I knowhis heart is pure today—as is mine—in terms of wanting this to work outforever. I know he'll work until it's done."

3. "I amfully convinced that he will elevate the program to what you expect. You willlove his values."

4. "He is thehead coach ... for five years, at a minimum. I will stand by [him] for howeverlong it takes. He's a winner."

A. STEVESPURRIER, Redskins 2005. Quit after two mediocre seasons butting heads withowner Dan Snyder.

B. LARRY BROWN,Knicks 2005. Fired after 23--59 season.

C. GEORGEO'LEARY, Notre Dame football 2001. Axed after five days when it emerged that helied on his résumé.

D. KELVINSAMPSON, Indiana basketball 2007. Let go 26 games into his second season afterallegedly making repeated phone calls to recruits in violation of NCAArules.

ANSWERS: 1-C(NOTRE DAME PRESIDENT REV. EDWARD A. MALLOY); 2-B (KNICKS PRESIDENT ISIAHTHOMAS); 3-D (INDIANA PRESIDENT ADAM HERBERT); 4-A (SNYDER)

Green withEnvy

DEFENDING MASTERSchamp Zach Johnson (below) says that except for a brief trip to New York City,his green jacket has stayed in his closet. Where's the fun in that? Here'swhere I would have worn it if I'd won the Masters.

1. The airport,where I'd loudly tell the security screeners, "Yes, I will gladly take offthis green jacket I won by beating Tiger Woods at the Masters and place it onthe conveyor belt."

2. On a drive-bypast the house of every girl who ever dumped me.

3. On a drive-bypast Greg Norman's house.

4. The Hamptons.Vibrant bolds are sooo in this season.

5. The putt-puttcourse, for 18 holes with the kids. And after I beat them, I'd insist on havingthe pimply faced teen behind the counter—whom I'd call Hootie—present me withthe jacket in a hushed and touching ceremony.

THE FINE PRINT:This week's Dan Patrick page is brought to you by Taco Bowa. Taco Bowa: ThinkOutside the Box.

Go toDANPATRICK.COM for more from George Clooney and other recent interviews, andhear live audio of Dan's radio show, 9 a.m. to noon ET, Mon.--Fri.

PHOTO

TODD ROSENBERG/ICON SMI (SPURRIER)

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JOHN AMIS/AP (BROWN)

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JOE RAYMOND/AP (O'LEARY)

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JACOB KRIESE/THE DAILY STUDENT/AP (SAMPSON)

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MIKE BLAKE/REUTERS (JOHNSON)

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ILLUSTRATION

ILLUSTRATION BY KEITH WITMER

April 14, 2008