At That Rate, in Two Weeks They'd Have Nobody Left on the Roster
Johan Santana's no-hitter was a thrill for Mets fans. But Mike Baxter missed eight weeks after crashing into the fence while making a catch to preserve the first no-hitter in team history. And reliever Ramon Ramirez went on the DL after straining his right hamstring when the team mobbed Santana.
College Sports at Its Best Sets the Paradigm for the True Shared Union of Mind and Body ...
Ohio State third-string quarterback Cardale Jones tweeted, "Why should we have to go to class if we came here to play FOOTBALL, we ain't come to play SCHOOL classes are POINTLESS."
... In Which Youngsters Thrive and Are Mentored by Caring Adult Role Models
According to 247sports.com, Tommy Tuberville, Texas Tech head coach, was eating dinner with prospective football recruits and Red Raiders coaches at the 50-Yard Line restaurant in Lubbock recently when he got up and left the table. "The waitress brought our food out, and we thought [Tuberville] went to the bathroom, but he never came back to dinner," said one recruit. "Then next thing I know, the next day, he made an announcement that he's going to [coach at] Cincinnati."
Not So Much a Reader
In a New York Times interview, U.S. Open champ Andy Murray was asked the last book he had read. "I never read," he said. "The paper or anything. I watch a lot of movies, and TV series and stuff. But I never, never read."
Minus One Legend
The Astros invited fans to a Legends Weekend lunch featuring former team stars Jose Cruz and Joe Niekro. Cruz showed up. But Niekro has not attended any public events since his death in 2006.
Besides, Endless Winning Is Tedious
Indians president Mark Shapiro, on a Cleveland-area cable show, had an answer for an e-mailer who wondered why he should renew his season tickets. Shapiro answered that if his only reason for purchasing was to see the Indians win, "Don't come."
Where the Straight-Arm Is More of a Styling Move
Fans looking to read up on the Dallas Cowboys by going to Cowboys.com will find a gay dating site that defines itself as for the "country western cowboy looking for a man to ride into the sunset with."
Methodically Taking It One Night at a Time
Ike Lochte, mother of Olympic gold medal swimmer Ryan, says her son is too busy to commit to a girlfriend. "He's not able to give fully to a relationship because he's always on the go," she told TODAY.com. "He goes out on one-night stands."
"I've actually never liked sports and I never understood how I became an athlete," Serena Williams told reporters in Australia. "I don't like working out, I don't like anything that has to do with working physically."
Only in France
The head butt administered by Zinedine Zidane of France upon Italy's Marco Materazzi in the 2006 World Cup final, won by the Azzurri, is now commemorated in a bronze statue in front of the Pompidou Museum in Paris. Explained the sculptor, "This statue goes against the tradition of making statues to honor victories. It is an ode to defeat."
He Wondered If Instead He Could Just Get a Red Card
Ronaldinho, Brazilian soccer legend and Coca-Cola ambassador, sat down at a press conference and took a sip from a nearby Pepsi can. Miffed Coke execs pulled the plug on his endorsement deal, costing the striker $760,000.
In Order to Stave Off Unibrow Mania
Anthony Davis, the No. 1 pick in the 2012 NBA draft, and the possessor of a notable unibrow, trademarked the expressions "Fear the Brow" and "Raise the Brow." He explained to CNBC, "I don't want anyone to try to grow a unibrow because of me and then try to make money off of it."
One Whiff and You're Magically Transported to August in the Bronx
The Yankees are now selling their own brand of cologne for men and a perfume for women, available at the Stadium and at retailers, including Macy's. The marketer who came up with the idea for the fragrances explained of the Yankees: "They're a brand that exudes class."
If Any Acting Was Involved, It Was Somewhat Beside the Point
With flopping drawing sanctions in the NBA and soccer, one official showed Belgian soccer player Julien Lecomte a red card for diving. It was delivered as Lecomte lay unconscious on a gurney for a trip to a medical examination that determined that he had suffered a concussion and three displaced vertebrae.
As reported by WKYT-TV, police in Georgetown, Ky., had to be called to a dialysis center when a 68-year-old Kentucky fan who was hooked up to a machine was struck by a 71-year-old Louisville fan waiting to receive treatment. The dispute involved differing viewpoints about the likely outcome in the schools' upcoming Final Four basketball game and was preceded by a command to shut up as well as the display of a middle finger.
Adults Are Crazy
Cooper Barton, a five-year-old Oklahoma City kindergartner, was forced to turn his University of Michigan shirt inside-out one school day in August because it violated a city ban on any "clothing bearing the names or emblems of all professional and collegiate athletic teams (with the exception of Oklahoma colleges and universities)."
A Real Leader Even Gets Fans to Go the Extra Mile
Giants manager Bruce Bochy was on the Market Street parade route waving to fans turned out to honor the World Series champs when the Rolls-Royce in which he and his wife were traveling ran out of gas and had to be pushed by Good Samaritans to ceremonies at Civic Center Plaza.
We'll Have These Moments to Remember
Maria Dmitrienko had just won a gold medal at the 10th Arab Shooting Championship in Kuwait and was on the podium expecting to hear the music of her national anthem. Instead she heard a familiar tune but with the lyrics of the spoof of the anthem from the film Borat. (Kazakhstan's prostitutes cleanest in the region/Except of course for Turkmenistan's, etc.) Meet organizers, who said they downloaded the wrong song from the Internet, later apologized.
SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
Seven lawmakers in the Philippines introduced a resolution threatening to ban Justin Bieber from the country unless he apologizes for posting pictures on his Instagram account that mocked Manny Pacquiao's knockout loss to Juan Manuel Marquez.
ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOHN CUNEO
JOHN PAUL FILO/CBS/GETTY IMAGES (BIEBER)