Ah, the Beautiful Game

Some of the stories you might have missed from the past month in the wild world of soccer

U.S.A.

An MLS game between Columbus and D.C. United was delayed when the scoreboard at Crew Stadium caught fire.

RUSSIA

Chechen linesman Musa Kadyrov was banned for life by the Russian football association for assaulting an 18-year-old player following a league reserve game. A FIFA official who was assessing the official reported: "He had no clue about the rules, [and] even worse, he attacked a player. On a scale of one to 10, I'd give him a zero." Because of this—and because the Chechen president called a referee a "donkey" over a stadium loudspeaker—fans of CSKA Moscow called for a boycott of the Russian Cup final, which their team is scheduled to play in Chechnya.

KENYA

A referee filed a lawsuit against the national football federation, claiming he was rendered impotent after an angry coach squeezed his testicles during a game.

AUSTRIA

Angry fans of Rapid Wien bricked up the team's offices and put a photo of the G.M. on the makeshift wall with the caption, I'M NOT ALLOWED IN.

ENGLAND

Liverpool forward Luis Suarez was banned for 10 games for biting the arm of Chelsea defender Branislav Ivanovic. After hearing of the incident, Mike Tyson began following Suarez on Twitter and told a radio host, "He bit someone. It happens."

After their team lost a match to rival Sunderland, Newcastle fans set fire to garbage bins in the city center and tried to incite brawls. One especially blotto fan punched a police horse.

GREECE

A game between AEK Athens and Panthrakikos was abandoned when AEK fans chased their players off the field following an 87th-minute own goal. "We are going through some difficult moments now," AEK's manager said.

ITALY

Forbidden by his contract to race go-karts, AC Milan forward Mario Balotelli drove his $300,000 Ferrari around a local indoor go-kart track.

SOUTH AFRICA

Officials pondered banning vuvuzelas—not because of the din they were creating, but because they were being used as weapons in the stands.

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MIKE MUNDEN/MCT/ABACAUSA.COM (SCOREBOARD)

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IMAGO/ZUMAPRESS.COM (KUHN, HORSE)

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NICK PISA/THENETNG.NET (BALOTELLI)

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WOGI/FOTOLIA.COM (VUVUZELA)

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JON SUPER/AP (TYSON)

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NINE ILLUSTRATIONS

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