BOTH THE Sixers and the Flyers are playing golf, but that doesn't mean it's a slow sports week for the infamously fickle and notoriously nasty fans in the City of Brotherly Love. This weekend features the NFL draft, the Penn Relays, a top lax matchup and more. Here's how a visitor (or local) can become an honorary member of the Broad Street Bullies.
THURSDAY 8 P.M.
Attend the first round of the draft at an outdoor theater in front of the Museum of Art (1). Warm up for the days ahead by hating whomever the Eagles pick. When prompted, repeat: Roseman s--- the bed.
FRIDAY 1 P.M.
Head to Franklin Field (2) to catch the college relays, starting with the women's 4 × 100 and concluding with men's sprint medley six hours later. The 70-and-over 100-meter dash begins at 3:22. Win a cheesesteak by jeering senior sprinters.
SATURDAY 7:30 P.M.
Show up at the Playground at the Adrienne Theater (3) for ComedySportz, a sports-themed improv competition. Heckle the actors until one cries. If none do, return for the BYO 10:00 performance.
SUNDAY 1 P.M.
Get back to Franklin Field as UPenn's No. 7-ranked women's lacrosse team (4) takes on Yale. By now any inclination to refrain from booing brainy young women should feel as dead as a teenager's belief in Santa Claus.