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Biter Beware

Ballpark food is going, going, gone
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THE (IN)ACTION on the field isn't the only thing undergoing a drastic revolution in baseball. In an era when players regularly launch balls into the stratosphere, concessions stands too are reaching for the heights. For a while merely big meals were enough to entice hungry attendees, but these days a pile of smoked meats or a four-patty burger doesn't stand out.

Across MLB's 30 stadiums, visitors can now mash together unheard-of combinations of meat, sugar, cheese and a grocery aisle's worth of other ingredients, should their taste buds and stomachs so desire. Like the scientists of Jurassic Park, the creators of such meals don't seem to worry about whether or not they should proceed—just whether or not they can.

So, which meals are the most most? Here are the five weirdest confections in MLB venues.

TEXAS SNOWBALLS

Rangers

They don't get a lot of snow (if any) in the Dallas--Fort Worth metroplex, but they do have a ton of brisket, which is what makes up the nucleus of the Texas Snowball. For better or worse, this sphere of shredded meat is then dipped in funnel-cake batter, deep-fried and coated in powdered sugar. Much like, say, cigarettes, this isn't recommended for children, the elderly or pregnant women.

TOASTED GRASSHOPPERS

Mariners

New to Safeco Field this season, this classic Mexican treat is exactly what it says it is: a bunch of Schistocerca americana, cooked and coated in chili lime salt to make a crunchy snack that's also high in protein. Want to bet that by next season some purveyor will be serving it slathered in bacon, sour cream and cheese?

THE BURGERIZZA

Braves

In their first year at SunTrust Park, concessionaires have concocted a meal usually the domain of sleep-deprived college kids: a 20-ounce beef patty covered in cheddar cheese and served between two eight-inch pepperoni pizzas. Two good things do not necessarily combine into a great thing. (King Arthur? Good. Movies? Good. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword? Not good.)

APPLE PIE NACHOS

Rockies

It's nearly the Fourth of July: baseball, apple pie and ... nachos. At Coors Field, chefs have deconstructed apple pie and thrown the parts onto cinnamon-flavored chips with whipped cream and caramel. What flavor could possibly be missing from that combination? Ah, yes, it also comes with cheese, for those who have absolutely no dignity remaining.

PULLED PORK PATTY MELT

Royals

Pulled pork, fried onions, cheese and bacon. So far, so good, right? Now take that perfectly acceptable—if not quite heart-healthy—collection of items and put it between two funnel cakes, turning it into an unnatural monstrosity. Oh, there's also a jalapeño popper on it, for that extra little kick. The Earl of Sandwich would have moved to another town.