OVER-THE-TOP DOGS

There's a weiner war playing out across America, with ballpark vendors seemingly battling to create the most rank frank. Here are the best—or wurst

1 FLAMIN' HOT CHEETOS DOG, GLOBE LIFE PARK

At $10.50, this all-beefer—doused in Cheeto-infused nacho cheese and sprinkled with the spicy vending machine staple—is a bargain for ... Rangers fans who dig neon foodstuffs? Seriously: Doctors find this snack erodes stomach linings when overconsumed. Pray against extra innings.

2 SLIDER DOG, PROGRESSIVE FIELD

This all-beef fifth-pounder, served up at Indians home games for $10.50 per heart attack, starts off well enough—bacon, plus dollops of macaroni and cheese on top—but then ruins everything with a garnishing of Froot Loops. Progressive, indeed.

3 CRACKER JACK AND MAC DOG, PNC PARK

... Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks / Then put those same Cracker Jacks on a hot dog / Lathered in caramel sauce and jalapenos and mac 'n' cheese (What's with you people?!) / You sicko Pirates fans / Eleven dollars, please / ... at the old! ball! game!

4 SWEET SPOT COTTON CANDY DOG, GLOBE LIFE PARK

Someone wondered aloud, "What's worse than cotton candy?" And then someone found the answer: Tufts of the saccharine fluff, plus cotton candy--infused radioactive green sauce, all on a hot dog, for just $10. Bravo.

5 CHEESEBURGER DOG, CHASE FIELD

Just pick one, D-Backs. Though to be fair, this Franken-dog actually sounds tasty: Burgers are ground up and mixed with smoked bacon, pickles, green onions and cheddar cheese; they're rolled into a footlong, deep-fried and topped with more bacon, iceburg lettuce, tomato and a secret sauce.