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NO U.S.A.? NO PROBLEM

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Still searching for your soul mates in this tournament? Jump into SI's find-a-team flow chart and we'll match you with your ideal USMNT stand-in

Odds according to Sky Bet

[The following text appears within a diagram. Please see hardcopy or PDF for actual diagram.]

40:1

RUSSIA

;)

NONE OF THOSE? HMMM... WAIT JUST ONE DAMN SECOND—ARE YOU VLADIMIR PUTIN!?

...

200:1

SERBIA

IVANOVIC, STOJKOVIC, MITROVIC

150:1

SWEDEN

LARSSON, CLAESSON, OLSEN

150:1

SENEGAL

N'DIAYE, KOUYATE, KOULIBALY

100:1

DENMARK

250:1

PERU

66:1

POLAND

16:1

ENGLAND

750:1

COSTA RICA

6:1

FRANCE

250:1

ICELAND

33:1

CROATIA

1,000:1

PANAMA

SURE, WHY NOT?

START HERE

RED-WHITE-AND-BLUE IS RED-WHITE-AND-BLUE, RIGHT?

UH, NO

100:1

MEXICO

YEAH—AND, LOOK, I FEEL REAL BAD ABOUT THAT "SAINT ZUSI" THING

LOVE THY NEIGHBOR, THOUGH—AMIRIGHT?

FINE. LET'S DO IT THIS WAY: WE'LL GIVE YOU SOME PLAYER NAMES. WHICH ONES SPEAK TO YOU?

I DON'T JUDGE BOOKS BY COVERS.

THERE'S A TEAM WHOSE NAME TRANSLATES TO "OUR BOYS"? THEM. I WANT THAT TEAM

SOCCEROOS: SIGN ME UP

SAMURAI BLUE SOUNDS BADASS

KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID. THE RED AND WHITES. I LIKE THAT

THE COFFEE GROWERS: POUR ME A TALL ONE OF THAT

O.K., THEN WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A TEAM NAME?

100:1

SWITZERLAND

500:1

AUSTRALIA

EXACTLY!

OH, YOU WANT A TEAM THAT PLAYS LIKE THE U.S.?

BLECH. NO

HELL NO. DOS A CERO!

28:1

URUGUAY

200:1

JAPAN

40:1

COLOMBIA

YES. THAT

MAYBE IT'S THE SCRAPPY UNDERDOG ELEMENT THAT YOU LOVE ABOUTTHE U.S....

NAH, GIMME A WINNER FOR ONCE

9:2

BRAZIL

250:1

NIGERIA

1,000:1

SAUDI ARABIA

250:1

SOUTH KOREA

750:1

IRAN

1,000:1

TUNISIA

150:1

EGYPT

250:1

MOROCCO

THAT'S NO WAY TO PICK A TEAM

NO. D-FENSE!

YOU DO LIKE SEEING GOALS THOUGH, NO?

DUDE, WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

9:2

GERMANY

YES!

NAH

UHHH, YEAH

6:1

SPAIN

10:1

BELGIUM

YOU'RE NOT IN THIS JUST FOR THE KITS, ARE YOU?

HARD PASS

O.K., HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT FAREWELL TOURS?

THE LAST WALTZ! THE ROOF OF APPLE RECORDS! HIT ME BABY ONE LAST TIME!

9:1

ARGENTINA

25:1

PORTUGAL