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LOWLIGHT REEL

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FROM SIMPLY UNSPORTSMANLIKE TO UTTERLY INSANE, HERE ARE THE ODDEST SPORTS OFFERINGS FROM 2018

HENNY AND THE JETS

A 57-year-old man charged with DWI in Wayne, N.J., in November told police, "I drank too much because the Jets suck."

THE ULTIMATE INDIGNITY

After Trail Blazers guard CJ McCollum called him soft, the Warriors' Kevin Durant felt hurt and betrayed, tweeting, "I just did your f------ podcast."

LICKETY TWIT

Bruins left wing Brad Marchand licked Maple Leafs center Leo Komarov on the face during Game 1 of their opening-round Stanley Cup playoff series, saying afterward, "I thought he wanted to cuddle."

I'M GOOD

Marchand also licked Tampa Bay right wing Ryan Callahan in Game 4 of the second round, earning a reprimand from the NHL and the scorn of Lightning coach Jon Cooper, who told a reporter, "How would you feel if I walked over to you right now and gave you one big lick from the chin up?"

HURLER UPCHUCKING IN THE PEN

In the eighth inning of a June game against the Phillies, Brewers reliever Adrian Houser threw his warmup pitches, vomited behind the mound, faced two batters, vomited again, then finished the inning.

THE LAST HONEST MAN

Asked if he wrote his own autobiography, Thunder center Steven Adams said, "No, I didn't write it.... I can barely read, mate."

CONSOMMÉ PROFESSIONAL

J.R. Smith was suspended by the Cavs for one game after throwing soup at assistant coach Damon Jones.

ALWAYS USE A CONDIMENT

Burger King apologized for offering a lifetime supply of Whoppers to any women impregnated by players competing in the World Cup.

WORSE THAN A HELICOPTER PARENT

Someone hired a plane to fly over Briarcliff (N.Y.) High during a baseball playoff game in May. It was pulling a banner that demanded the firing of two coaches.

RHYMES WITH DART

Professional competitors Gary Anderson and Wesley Harms accused each other of malevolent flatulence during their November match in the Grand Slam of Darts. Said Anderson, "It was eggs, rotten eggs, but not from me. If somebody has done that, they need to see a doctor."

AND SIGNIFICANTLY LOWERED MY RATING

The Uber driver in Phoenix who posted video of Ottawa Senators players disparaging an assistant coach later apologized for his action, saying, "It has brought great shame to my family."

IS THIS HEAVEN OR DETROIT?

Seven months after declaring him a Clipper "for life," the Clippers traded Blake Griffin to the Pistons.

LEADING POLICE ON A PIN-JUGGLING CHASE

Red Panda, the plate-spinning acrobat and frequent NBA halftime entertainer, had her seven-foot, $25,000 unicycle stolen at the San Francisco airport.

CURLY NEAL DEGRASSE TYSON

Celtics guard Kyrie Irving apologized to science teachers for repeatedly saying that Earth is flat.

CURSE OF THE CAMBINO

The Nationals hosted three camels from a Jupiter, Fla., petting zoo at a spring training game, in an unsuccessful effort to get "over the hump" and into the 2018 World Series.

A GENTLEMAN'S GAME

After a fight involving two foursomes at Southers Marsh Golf Club in Plymouth, Mass., a 47-year-old man was arrested for allegedly biting off the thumb of another golfer.

DING-DONG DIPLOMACY

Dennis Rodman said he would attend the diplomatic summit meeting between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un in Singapore "thanks to my loyal sponsors at potcoin."

NO COUNTRY FOR YOUNG MEN

The Rays' Double A affiliate, the Montgomery Biscuits, held Millennial Night in July, offering a participation ribbon to all who came.

TAPEWORM

Competitive eater Matt Stonie ate 324 feet of Fruit by the Foot in 57 minutes and 45 seconds, ingesting an extruded ribbon of artificially flavored whatsit the length of a football field.

DOUBLE-ENTRY GOALKEEPING

Emergency goalie Scott Foster, a 36-year-old accountant, was called in to play the final 14 minutes of a Blackhawks game last March, stopping all seven shots the Jets fired at him.

EENY MEENY MINY SCHMO

A British soccer referee who forgot his coin was given a three-week suspension by the English FA for having the captains in a Women's Super League match play rock-paper-scissors to determine which team kicked off.

HE WAS BOOKED FOR DIVING

To get out of a match, the Irish soccer team Ballybrack FC falsely announced the death of one of its players in a traffic accident.

HANK YANKER

In a January fight, Maple Leafs center Nazem Kadri ripped a chunk of hair from the chin of Sharks center Joe Thornton. "I've seen a lot of things over 25 years of coaching," San Jose boss Pete DeBoer told SportsNet. "I've never seen a clump of beard on the ice before."

NEWSMAKERS

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VAULT

P. 18

GAME PLAN

P. 19

EDGE

P. 20

FULL FRAME

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FACES IN THE CROWD

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